Terry’s new Leverage Books

Terry’s Star Trek Into Darkness Review

Dayton’s killer tribble comic cover

Star Trek 2009 Honest Trailer

James Swallow is Iron Man

The “who would win in a fight” question has been asked many times before. Star Trek versus Star Wars. Hal versus Commander Adama. Lock boxes versus our wallets. In any case, the question is a bit tired. Instead, I present to you the new and improved version, “Who would win in an argument?”

That’s right; Star Trek has always been about solving problems with words as well as phasers, lasers, disruptors, bat’leths, or muskets. Don’t ask me about the muskets; I don’t understand it, either.

Back on topic, the first pairing I present to you is (drum roll please): Who would win in an argument, Spock or Picard? That’s right, two of the greatest minds in the Trek universe. What happens when the Vulcan’s unflappable logic goes head to head with the passion for knowledge and profound respect towards all life of the bald man?

Just for reference, their little tiff in “Unification” doesn’t count. That was just foreplay.

If that little scenario doesn’t provide enough meat for you, then here’s a back up. As a counterpoint to the epic clash proposed above, I suggest a battle of the two slowest witted main characters that ever shamed Gene’s vision with their presence. That’s right, I’m talking about Mr. “go ahead and stand in front of this cave” Neelix debating against Charles “how I shuttle pod?” Tucker III. In this case, we do not so much judge the winner as try and determine who lost the hardest.

Oh, and PS, we have to talk with Nick about this Donatra thing he has going. Someone has to tell him that she wasn’t actually very cool, and that there are way better Romulans out there.

Holy shit, dude.

Was there some kind of contest I missed, calling for the longest, most directionless, meandering stream-of-consciousness query one could submit, in the hopes of making poor Nick pass out from lockjaw and oxygen deprivation before he even gets to reading my actual answer?

I suppose we should get this part out of the way, first: Regarding Nick’s fixation with Donatra, I’ll admit that one’s bothered me a bit. Dina Meyer the actress is smoking hot, but her getup in Star Trek Nemesis made her look like Marv Albert wearing a Technicolor muumuu. Dressed like that, she could be a bouncer at a Dance Dance Revolution marathon.

All right, then. Moving on.

Hal versus Commander Adama? Hal the computer against Commander Bill “I fucking hate computers” Adama? You know ol’ Husker would just roll a hard six and pull the plug on that bitch, right? End of episode.

So, the contenders for this face-off are “Spock versus Picard.” Now, I think it’s safe to say that Jean-Luc Picard is one sharp cat. He successfully argued that Data, a frappin’ android, is in fact a sentient being, and don’t forget how he hoisted that pompous, douche nozzle Sheliak by his own ball sack. He outwitted a sexy con artist who tried to pose as a god, and he even went toe to toe with the supreme cock pimple known as “Q.” Though he never actually debated the Continuum’s most unruly representative, he did manage to impress the guy a few times with words, actions, and conviction. Q was pretty impressed with our good captain on occasion, wasn’t he?

But, does any of that really compare to the walking, talking tower of Awesome that is Spock?

I mean, this is the dude who for thirty years managed to hang tough with Captain Kirk. Remember, Jimmy T possessed seriously mad skillz when it came to talking computers into shutting themselves off. He also had a nasty habit of beating The Logical One at chess from time to time. Despite all of that, Spock stuck with it and got his licks in here and there. You don’t make it to The Show if you can’t dance, yo.

And hey, how many of you know that Spock actually debated Q, and spanked his all-knowing, all-seeing ass? Check out this little-known, classified chapter of Trek lore: Spock once traveled back through time to 1999, hoping to find a way to warn Earth about an approaching asteroid that threatened the planet. The problem? He had to do it without actually interfering with human history, or getting sued by Michael Bay. Q showed up to ride his ass about that, and then proceeded to engage Spock in a war of words for the ages. Spock, however, totally returned that serve. By the end of it all, Q was babbling like a baby with Red Bull mixed into his formula, and did all Spock’s dirty work for him.

Don’t believe me? You can catch the replay any time you like:

Spock vs. Q: Armageddon Tonight

Summary: The first time Spock met Q, our favorite Vulcan tricked him into saving Earth from certain destruction. He totally owned that omnipotent motherfucker.

Meanwhile, the first time Picard met Q, he surrendered. Insert your favorite joke about the French and surrendering anywhere in here.

So, I’m afraid I’m going to have to go with my man Spock on this one.

And there you have it. Now, don’t come back here until you’re ready to explain what the fuck is with the muskets.

Star Trek Online

Legacy of Romulus Pack

Star Trek TOS Phaser

It was followed by an STLV Update and the introduction to our next G & T Show Supplemental Log featuring Al “Geko” Rivera. A new contest is announced for a chance to win a complete autographed set of Cold Equations novels by David Mack.  Next week a secret phrase will be revealed during the show. The next time the phrase is uttered in a future show, the first email received will win the book set. It was followed by a hearty helping of Listener Mail, a discussion of super hero costumes, and their respective Free Comic Book Day event. Following second Getty-torial, Terry announces that G & T Show will be supporting Ad Astra’s 12 week fan fic, and fan production open house.

Al Rivera’s Godzilla monsters

Commander Shull’s TOS uniform

Star Trek: The Beginning

Captain Marvel image

Captain Marvel #1 Cover

Captain Marvel COS Player

Kelly Sue DeConnick Twitter

Kelly Sue DeConnick Facebook

Kelly Sue DeConnick Tumblr

Wonder Wonder Woman TV & Porn Side by side

Ad Astra Fan Fic

Comixology

Also, summer is approaching, so do you have any BBQ secrets to share with us grill warriors? Is there anything you do special when grilling, or any (almost) secrets you can share to help make our time forced…um, happily spent with family, more enjoyable?

Yes, listeners of the G and T show have benefited from something of a breather from the usual waste of words, ideas, and oxygen that is me foisting yet another of these things upon you, week after agonizing week. For those of you who enjoyed the respite…well, tough. Break’s over, yo.

What have I been up to these past couple of weeks? Well, first there was our annual trip to Denver for the big-assed Starfest Convention. We’ve been doing that con for over a decade now, and every show is as much if not more fun than the last. We have lots of friends and fans there, we make more friends and fans each year while we’re there, my kids like all the costumes and other stuff going on, and we sell a few books along the way.

While I was in Denver, the cover for my upcoming Star Trek novel, From History’s Shadow, was revealed. For those of you who haven’t yet seen it, let me describe it for you: IT’S FUCKING AMAZEBALLS DRIPPING WITH FUCKING AWESOME SAUCE. If we were to grade book covers the same way Hustler rates porn videos, this cover is “Fully Erect,” all right?

Of course, I’m probably a tad biased. Sue me.

So, moving on: You say summer’s approaching, huh? Tell it to Mother Nature, that bi-polar bitch, who decided to make it snow this past Thursday, May 2^nd. Rule of Thumb, weather people: If I’ve been cutting the grass for a month, IT’S NOT ALLOWED TO FUCKING SNOW ANYMORE. Somebody bring me the head of Punxsutawney Phil. That overfed shitbag rodent was so far off the mark he makes Karl Rove sound like Nostradamus.

Anyway, after the fucking snow melts, I’ll partake of various outdoor pursuits. There’s the yard work, of course. I actually hate tending to my lawn. I don’t mind the mowing and edging and that sort of thing, but I’m not one of those guys who obsesses over every blade of grass. As long as the shit isn’t growing up the side of my house looking for a way in so that it can eat me, I’m okay with it. I keep it cut and neat, but when it comes to hedges, flower beds, and other plants and whatnot, I’d be happy if all that disappeared one night, and was replaced by an army of yard gnomes all making lewd gestures as they stared at neighbors and other passersby.

As for sports, I’m kind of between the ones I follow at the moment. Football season is months away, and I gave up caring about basketball years ago. I don’t watch hockey, and I can’t stand golf or NASCAR. I do like volleyball, be it indoors or on the beach, but neither of those starts for several months, either. Baseball is in full swing right now, but I’m only a casual fan, which is really odd when you consider that Bull Durham is perhaps my all-time favorite sports movie. I don’t follow the teams or the standings or any of that, but I understand the game and can enjoy it from time to time. I’ll even go to the ballpark to catch a game, say with friends or co-workers, should opportunity present itself. If anything, I do enjoy going to watch minor league teams play. There’s an intimacy and sense of community at those smaller parks that can’t be replicated at the larger stadiums. However, regardless of their size, baseball parks are the place to go for the best-tasting hot dogs.

Which brings us to food.

I may well find time to do some grilling. Like most healthy, red-blooded American men, I enjoy the smell of animal flesh roasting over hot coals while basted in barbecue sauce. I have no secrets in this department, or any notable expertise. I lay the meat on the grille and flip it around a few times until it stops complaining, after which I brush some sauce and other spices onto it before shoving as much of it as will fit into my face. With a beer chaser. I then repeat this process until I slip into a coma, after which I wake up and watch the rest of whatever game might be on. Oh, and that coma? Yeah, it tends to help out with the whole “interacting with other people” thing. Your mileage may vary.

Of course, now I’m hungry.

Anybody want to go to the ball park for a hot dog?

We wish Keith R.A. DeCandido a belated birthday, send a shout out to All Things Trek, and remind everyone next week is Free Comic Book Day.

Terry’s Facebook page 

Star Trek Online’s Legacy Pack

Klingon Jersey

Klingon Jersey

1701 News

Talky Geek Fest

Trek Initiative

Star Trek: Cold Equations

They discuss several new trailers including a new Star Trek Into Darkness trailer for Star Trek Movie News. Then, they share what’s on their bookshelves, and play another round of Lifepod One. They also had a Writer’s Corner, an STLV Update, and a reminder about the recent Supplemental Log with Steve Neill.

Star Trek: Into Darkness Trailer

Man of Steel Trailer

Zod Teaser

Ant-Man Footage

Star Trek.com: Firs Look: Four New Star Trek Novel Covers

Make Starships Not War

Star Trek Farragut

Steve Neill’s Garage

Steve Neill FX website

Steve Neill’s blog

Help Mike with his Go Fund Me

Star Trek: Continues Contest

Trek Collective Trek Lit Flow Chart

Regards, Woody

Well, I have to admit, I was more than a tad gobsmacked when I read this one. I mean, what am I supposed to do here? Employ negative stereotypes in order to snatch cheap laughs?

Okay. I guess I can do that.

But before we get started, and lest anyone get the idea that this question and its answer have now opened a floodgate of “What if Character X where from Location Y” queries, let’s put that to rest now: No. The next time, I’m just going to make up my own question and answer it. Put your hands down and shut yer clackers. That’s the way it is, all right?

So, what would the five Star Trek captains be like if they hailed from the land down under? First off, I don’t think Jonathan Archer would’ve played something like water polo. I’d see him as a rugby or Aussie rules football (aka “aerial ping pong”) player, and he’d still have the removable front teeth he’d wear as a badge of honor. Same with Ben Sisko. He wouldn’t be into baseball, and neither would he have a baseball on his desk. Instead, he’d have a cricket bat on the wall behind him, and he wouldn’t think twice about grabbing it and laying the smackdown to any Klingons or Cardassians or anybody else who beamed aboard his station trying to start some shit. You just know he would’ve popped Gul Dukat a corker of a shot across the noggin at least once. Maybe twice.

And what about Jim Kirk? Would he have been the same rebellious youth we now know he was, at least in one alternate reality? I figure he’d be lairing it up at the local boozer on weekends, wrestling crocodiles to cover his beer tab. Oh, he’d be all over the beer, too. None of that Saurian Brandy crap; not when there’s beer flowing freely, and not that Foster’s pond water, either. Don’t believe the hype; Foster’s isn’t Australian for beer; it’s Australian for watered down kangaroo piss.

As for Kathryn Janeway, I don’t know that she’d be that much different. She’s already smart, independent and self-confident, and doesn’t take shit from anybody, and she’d fight to the death to protect anybody close to her. That’s pretty much the definition of the classic “Aussie sheila,” but if you cross her, she’ll mount your donger to the wall of her ready room.  Consider yourselves warned, mates.

Which brings us to the biggest challenge of the five captains, Jean-Luc Picard. The current version hails from France, was born and raised in a small French village, and his family has a long history of serving the French people either in the military or government or some other capacity. He’ll even drop a French cuss word once in a while, when he thinks the rest of us aren’t paying attention. Picard is immensely proud of his French heritage, so why the fuck does he speak with an English accent? If he was from Australia, he’d likely have been born in some Woop Woop town, or a city like Bendigo. I could see him as a sailing enthusiast, and maybe diving, with the occasional tennis match thrown in for flavor. He’d still drink his tea, only now he’d have it with small vegemite sandwiches cut into those little triangles like you see at cocktail parties where the hosts are too fucking cheap to spring for caviar or some decent shrimp. He’d stand tall as a proud citizen of Australia, even going so far as to brawl with anyone who spoke ill of his homeland. And after all of that, whenever he talked he’d sound like he was from Brooklyn, because casting agents in Hollywood figure nobody would ever know the difference.

That’s fair dinkum, you cobbers.

Adrianne’s Cheetos Song

Adrianne’s IMDB

The Onion – Roger Ebert Hails Human Existence As A Triumph

April 24th – Golden Apple Comics – Anthony Montgomery’s Miles Away Comic Signing

May 4th – Free Comic Book Day

Tor.com – The 19th Century Painting That Most Blockbuster Movie Posters Are Based Off

The Joy Division Documentary

This is the 69th edition of Dear Dayton…and we all know what that means.

Let’s talk about sax, baby, let’s talk about you and me…

Wait, what?! Yes, we’re talking about jazz in Star Trek

From Riker and his trombone to the sultry Minuet, and from Harry and his *ahem* clarinet to Vic Fontaine who never, ever leaves the DS9 holosuites.

What is your favourite bit of Star Trek Jazz (or any music) goodness…and do we get to watch?

People in the Star Trek universe have shitty taste in music.

That’s right, I said it.

Mozart. Klingon opera. Andorian blues. Wait! You haven’t completely bored me just yet, but I understand that bringing Lawrence Welk to the 24^th century was prohibited by the Temporal Prime Directive. So, you know…lucky me.

Trombones. Clarinets. Violins. Flutes. Harps. What the fuckity fuck? I can’t hear any of that crap over the sound my incessant yawning and prayers for giant rocks to drop out of the sky and put me out of my misery. Once in a while we see a piano, and even then the person playing it is throwing out some lame-assed ivory tickling, rather than giving us some Grade-A Bone Smashing.

Where are the drums? Where are the guitars? Why does no one in Star Trek shred the fucking gnar?

WHERE THE HELL IS THE METAL?

Now, let me say that Vic Fontaine is immune from this rant, because…well, because VIC FONTAINE. He’s like DENNY CRANE for holograms, all right? Leave Vic out of this, but everybody else? They can all suck it.

Truthfully, I like my share of classical music, as well as a bit of jazz and blues on occasion, but I’m really tired of everybody in Star Trek always going for the “highbrow stuff.” Even the hippies from “The Way to Eden,” while totally needing to be jettisoned out the nearest airlock, at least brought a little something different to the Enterprise gang. Hell, even Spock wanted to sit in with those hip cats and jam. How sad is it that the closest we ever get to music with any balls is when somebody travels back in time and rides a bus with a punk rocker, or walks around Venice Beach taking in the local freak show? Are we supposed to believe that no music like this survives to the grand, enlightened Star Trek future?

I call bullshit on that.

Not all the time, but just once in a while, I want to see some head-bangin’, teeth-rattlin’, face-meltin’ rock and roll that blows hull plates off passing ships and de-orbits small moons as a consequence of its sheer awesomeness. You’d think the Klingons would be all over something like this, right? When they sing songs of the Great Tribble Hunt, you want that shit to set hair on fire.

Elsewhere, I figure the Romulans and Vulcans more for Beatles fans, but I can put up with that in small doses. I also have this sneaky suspicion that McCoy would dig the musical stylings of Jerry Reed or Stevie Ray Vaughn or Kenny Wayne Shepherd and maybe…when nobody’s looking…Pink. I can totally picture Beverly Crusher and Deanna Troi picking up Tasha Yar for a girl’s night out as they catch a Bon Jovi concert, and you just know Harry Kim and Malcolm Reed had a secret stash of Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga tunes. And why couldn’t somebody have gone to check out one of those planets visited a hundred years ago by another ship, that looks just like Earth and the civilization was influenced by somebody accidentally leaving behind a KISS album?

Wait. Worf, in Gene Simmons make-up. SOMEBODY MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

As for the rest of them? Come on, boldly goers: Rock Out With Your Spock Out.

They also announce the next Book of the Celestial Temple to be Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Avatar Books 1 and 2 by S.D. Perry. We’ll be discussing them live on May 25th at 9am pacific / noon eastern. We hope to see you there.

The Original Series: The Weight of Worlds

written by Greg Cox

Mass Market Paperback, 320 pages

Release date: March 26th 2013

Star Trek: The Original Series: The Weight of Worlds

 Back cover blurb:

The Ephrata Institute is an intellectual think tank at the outer fringes of the final frontier. Dedicated to the arts and sciences, the Institute seems an unlikely target for an invasion, but it proves easy pickings when the Crusade comes from beyond, determined to impose its harsh, unbending Truth on all the worlds of the Federation. Armed with weaponized gravity, the alien Crusaders will stop at nothing to rescue the universe from its myriad beliefs . . . even if it means warping the mind and soul of every sentient being they encounter.

Responding to an urgent distress signal, Captain James T. Kirk and the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise soon find themselves in conflict with the Crusade, and facing individual challenges. When Kirk and Spock are transported to the Crusade’s distant homeland to confront the source of the invasion, Sulu finds himself trapped behind enemy lines, while Lieutenant Uhura is faced with possibly the most difficult decisions of her career.

As the Crusade sets its sights beyond Ephrata IV, it is up to the Enterprise and its besieged crew to keep freedom of thought from being crushed beneath the weight of worlds!

Additional information:

• An excerpt can be find here on Simon & Schuster’s website
• You can discuss the book on the G & T forums in this thread.

Book News

Star Trek into Darkness novelization

In late March the cover and back cover blurb were revealed. Nothing to surprising, as they simply use the first poster as the cover and the blurb seems to be taken directly from he promotionial texts for the movie.

The Shocks of Adversity cover revealed

Another cover which was revealed during last month was the cover for Willaim Leisner’s next novel, the TOS tale The Shocks of Adversity.  In other William Leisner news, go check out G&T podcast interview with him on the Supplemental Logs.

Listen, yo

As usual in the last few months several Star Trek authors made their rounds on the podcast circuit talking about ther previous stories and/or upcoming stuff:

Literary Treks talked to Tony Daniel about his Star Trek debut Devil’s Bargain and his non Trek stuff, with David R. George III about his history in writing Trek and continuing the DS9 saga in print.

As most of you are most likely aware Kevin Dilmore, David R. George III, David Gerrold and William Leisner talked to our very own Teri, Nick and Mike on the Supplemental Logs about their works.

Finally David Mack talked to The Captain’s Table about his Destiny trilogy, after they had posted  lengthy audio reviews of the trilogy earlier this year.

Beyond the Spine

Beyond the Spine is an irregular part of my updates looking at news from Trek Literature that don’t exactly concern the mainstream US novel market. This month is solely focused on the German market (I’m German, so naturally I get those news the easiest, if you have news you think should be put here, feel free to post them in the Book Report thread on the forums)   :

• Cross Cult, the German publisher posted drafts for some more covers last month. This month for their translations of the opening duology of Christie Golden’s Voyager relaunch, Una McCormack’s Typhon Pact novel Brinkmanship and Christopher L. Bennett’s The Struggle Within e-book novella. .
• They also posted another of their New Frontier character drafts, this time for Katherina Müller (see the link for The Struggle Within above to see it. They use those  for the books’ spines, if you want to see how those should look like with the books standing next to each, take a look at the link in the next news bit.
• In July Cross Cult will publish Maximum Warp,  a non-fiction book dealing with the ever growing Trek novelverse. You can find more info and my translation of their promotional text here.

A look ahead

Coming out over the course of the next three months:

May 2013:

The Original Series: The Folded World * Jeff Mariotte

Star Trek into Darkness * Alan Dean Foster

June 2013:

The Original Series: The Shocks of Adversity * William Leisner

July 2013:

Enterprise: Rise of the Federation: A Choice of Futures * Christopher L. Bennett

You can find a more extensive list of things to come on the G&T forums.

Final Words a.k.a Shameless plugging

March saw the posting of two of my reviews on Unreality SF:

One for Star Trek’s March release Devil’s Bargain, and jumping franchises a bit, one for the Doctor Who eBook novella The Devil in the Smoke, a prequel to Doctor Who’s 2012 Christmas special.

Last month I announced that around March 9^th there would be some stuff posted on Unreality SF tieing-in to the site’s birthday. Due to timing issues the posting of those were delayed, but stuff should be posted really soon now, including a guest article by G&T’s own Mike a.k.a. Soriedem.

Keep on reading!

They also revealed their upcoming interview with Star Trek author Michael A. Martin for G & T Show’s Supplemental Logs, although it’s release has been pushed back due to some technical issues, look for it soon. However, next week, look for the first episode of G & T Show’s Book of the Celestial Temple Book Club featuring a spoiler filled discussion of David Mack’s Star Trek: Destiny. Happy Easter Everyone!

Thank you, and all the best.

First, I suppose I should warn you that I typically avoid “what’s/who’s the best” discussions, about anything. If fandom’s taught me one thing, it’s that such debates ultimately are futile if not stupid, and the louder and more whiny somebody gets as the conversation devolves, the less I care (and I usually don’t care a whole lot to begin with). More often than not, I end up wanting to dropkick someone in the taint. Don’t be that guy.

On the other hand, I’m cool with offering up my personal favorites. Yes, people will disagree with my choices, but the beauty of being me is that I don’t give a fuck. Besides if we go with a “Best of” debate, some nerd is also going to want to give me shit because I don’t mention David Niven’s Bond in the 1967 version of Casino Royale. Well, here’s me mentioning it. That movie sucks a big bag of dicks. I’d rather watch the Star Wars Holiday Special. Twice.

So, with that out of the way, drop your cheesy corn and grab your chainsaws, and let’s do this.

Yep, I’m a James Bond fan, though I don’t go hog wild with 007 the same way I do something like Star Trek. I’d obviously heard of him here and there as a kid, but the first Bond movie I remember watching from start to finish was For Your Eyes Only. So, I suppose that makes Roger Moore my first Bond, and that’s still my favorite of the seven movies he did. Doesn’t make him my favorite Bond, though; not by a long shot.

Yes, there are the purists who say Sean Connery will always be the best Bond, because he did it first. I do loves me some Connery Bond action. To this day, From Russia with Love still ranks as one of my all-time 007 flicks. Because I’m a child of the 80s and remember with a large degree of perhaps undeserved fondness the numerous “Return of This” or “Reunion of That” movies featuring characters from bygone television series, I have a soft spot for Never Say Never Again, Connery’s one-time return to the Bond role after more than a decade. That’s not to say it’s a great movie. Nope. The film’s story was done way better the first time, when it was called Thunderball.

Critics seem to be all over the map so far as Timothy Dalton’s turn as 007. Personally, I think he’s always gotten a raw deal, much like George Lazenby, who did a very respectable job with his one go as Bond, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. For my money, Dalton’s also the one Bond actor who came closest in physicality and portrayal to the character Ian Fleming described in the original novels. His two Bond movies, The Living Daylights and License to Kill, are underrated, for whatever the hell my opinion’s worth, and the latter one definitely showcases a Bond more in line with what Fleming envisioned. A lot of studio and legal bullshit saw to it that even though he’d been negotiating a third movie, he finally threw up his hands and went to work doing other stuff. I think we got robbed on that deal.

As for Pierce Brosnan, I think he started strong out of the gate with GoldenEye, held pretty steady in Tomorrow Never Dies, and then things started to fall off with The World is Not Enough, and Die Another Day is just…well…we’ll go with “sub par.” That actually kind of bugged me at the time, because I’m a Brosnan fan, and I’ve loved a bunch of his other, non-Bond stuff (Remington Steele, The Thomas Crowne Affair, etc.). I think if he’d been cast as Bond the first time around, back when Roger Moore retired, we may well have gotten six or seven Brosnan 007 movies. Of course, then we wouldn’t have gotten Dalton. Such is life, I suppose.

Which brings us to Daniel Craig, the current incarnation of The Doctor James Bond.

Holy. Shit.

I fucking love Daniel Craig as 007.

Casino Royale (2006, not the sucky David Niven one) was, to use a technical term, HOLY SHITBALLS AWESOME. Craig took everything about Bond to which we’d become accustomed and either turned it on its ear or jerked a knot in its ass. The darker personality, the edgier fighting style, the ruthless way in which he approaches his job, are all right out of the books and yet seem totally new and—to some people, anyway—completely out of place. Screw those people. Craig absolutely brought a fresh and much-needed new energy to the Bond flicks. Quantum of Solace may have been a bit of a misstep, but Skyfall? That movie fucking rocks balls. I think it’s Craig’s best Bond outing yet, and definitely in my top three favorite 007 movies.

That said, I’m sticking with Timothy Dalton as my all-time favorite Bond actor. I think he just nails the original, Fleming-envisioned version of 007 better than any of the others. Daniel Craig is a solid second favorite, and I’ll give the bronze to Sean Connery, because not only did he do good Bond, but we wouldn’t have any of the others if not for him.

So give that a shake. No stirring, damn it.

David R. George III Facebook

They also take a few minutes to discuss what happened to the website this week, before officially unveiling the Busy Little Beaver Productions website.

Star Trek Online Legacy of Romulus

http://media.indiatimes.in/media/content/2013/Mar/star_trek_13 64105245_540x540.jpg

Busy Little Beaver Productions

Dear Dayton, What were your favorite toys growing up, and what was the one you wish you had but never did?

Ah, toys.

Decades before our first feeble attempts to justify having them cluttering the house because they’re “collectibles,” they were just toys. Action figures, models, cars, trains, planes, and spaceships! Oh my!

I did most of my toy-playing before the first home video game consoles came on the scene, and—yes, by golly—those were wondrous times, indeed. It was back then that mighty heroes such as G.I. Joe, Captain Kirk, Steve Austin, Batman, and Action Jackson teamed up to fight evil in all its forms. Sometimes they’d let Stretch Armstrong tag along, or maybe even “Pulsar: The Ultimate Man of Adventure” with his weird see-through chest and blood pumping through all of his organs and shit. Then there were times when the mission called for help from the Lost In Space robot, or the Creature from the Black Lagoon. On even rarer occasions, like if they needed an emergency set of wheels to plunge headlong toward danger, they’d knock Ken on his ass and make off with his and Barbie’s camper rig. Come to think of it, my sister never seemed to appreciate the need to support the ongoing battle for truth and justice and so on and so forth.

Oh, well.

My favorite toys during my single-digit years–as should now be obvious–were action figures. I could spend hours creating my own adventures, augmenting the action with whatever else I might excavate from the depths of my closet. Lincoln Logs and Legos, arranged just so, became secret bases or enemy fortresses, or bridges spanning the massive chasm of death separating my bed from my bookshelf. If Santa was his usual awesome self one Christmas, my intrepid team of heroes might find themselves operating from swank new digs such as the Batcave, Moonbase Alpha’s Main Mission, Steve Austin’s Bionic Command Center, or the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

And if I needed something else? A Lair of Doom, perhaps? Then I made one. I remember taking old boxes, cutting and taping them together into different shapes and sizes, in order to make hideouts, tunnels, dungeons, and rocket bases galore. Secret traps and hidden entrances out the ass, yo, and all of it decked out with whatever gadgets and doo-dads I could stick to it in order to simulate laser cannons, radar dishes, evil death rays, and whatever I could dream up. After all, there’s nothing quite so dangerous as a ten-year old with tape, scissors, free time and an active imagination.

As for toys I never had but wish I did, it actually took me a long time to come up with this one because, to be honest, most of the stuff I missed, I didn’t even know existed until long after I’d given up playing with such toys. So, I’ll preface this part by saying that one toy I wish I could reacquire is one of the original Steve Austin figures from the 70s. I think that one had to be my all-time favorite, but finding one in decent shape nowadays requires donating a kidney or something. I’m not saying that’s a deal-breaker, of course; only that finding a Steve Austin that hasn’t been beat all to hell is easier said than done.

And Steve needs to an enemy to fight, right? I already had the Bigfoot figure with his chest panel that popped out whenever Steve punched him just the right way, but one I never got was the ever-menacing “Venus Space Probe,” the automated rolling machine of doom made famous in the various “Death Probe” episodes of The Six Million Dollar Man. I loved those episodes as a kid, but I didn’t even know they’d made a toy of the thing until just a few years ago, after which I threw my hands toward the heavens and pondered why the gods had forsaken me so.

Of course, now that I have young kids of my own, I get to go with them to the toy store where I marvel at how much more detailed and “screen accurate” the stuff is, with all sorts of gadgets and thingamabobs that never were part of the figures and other toys from my childhood. Three-story Batcaves and table-sized Millennium Falcons and castles and fortresses that take up all the space in your living room? Where the hell was all this cool stuff when I was ten years old? Though my daughters play with plenty of dolls and play sets and other toys “for girls,” they also get into stuff like pretending to be Wonder Woman or Ahsoka Tano from The Clone Wars, or building Lego sets that turn into alien spaceships, and maybe—once in a while—going to Daddy’s closet and pulling out some of his toys.

Um, I mean “collectibles.”

Crazy 8 Publishing

Divine Tales

William Leisner’s WordPress Blog

Bill Leisner’s Live Journal

We make several announcements during the show, including: a request for a new cohost to help with the Book of the Celestial Temple Book Club, since Cush had to step down for work, the upcoming G & T Show Supplemental Log with author William Leisner, and finally, our new production company, Busy Little Beaver Productions. We are looking for talented individuals to volunteer to do voice work, edit audio, video and more. Also, if you have a podcast and want to join our network, or need help starting up your show idea, Busy Little Beaver Productions want to talk to you. Drop us an email at hosts@gandtshow.com.

Star Trek Online: Latest Romulan Teaser

Thanks Dayton

Well, now I know how Dr. Phil feels. I also know why he drinks during commercial breaks or—if he doesn’t—why he should start.

Looking at your situation as someone with no horse in this race, I guess my first question is: Who goes to bed at 9pm who isn’t A) Six, or B) being punished and being sent without dinner? The only way I go to bed that early is if I’m sick, or I’ve been up for the previous 36 hours, or if my wife walks past me wearing nothing but stilettos and one of my dress shirts.

So, as I ponder your problem, I have to admit that I don’t really understand it. I even asked my wife (to whom I’ve been married 22 years as of March 16^th) about this question before sitting down to compose my answer, and she didn’t get it, either. Hey, come to think of it, she’s sleeping right now as I write this. So, you know…YOU’RE WELCOME.

I guess we need more info. What, exactly, is “disrespectful” about not going to bed at the same time? Lots of couples do this. My wife often turns in well before me, though this usually stems from my needing quiet time to write after the day job’s work is completed. I’m also more of a night owl than she is, and there are nights where—like you—I stay up to read or watch a movie or whatever crap I have banked on the TiVo. Of course, if she pulls the stilettos/dress shirt thing, then all bets are off.

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean being fused at the hip. You don’t need to do everything in lockstep, both parties need their space, and sometimes not everything’s going to sync up.  That’s the sort of thing that gets figured out the longer a couple lives together. You know, kind of like whose shit goes where in the medicine cabinet, who gets the extra drawer in the bureau, and how long after you’re together does one person tell the other that their friends are assholes (or bitches) who can’t come over anymore.

So, no, I don’t think different bed times are themselves disrespectful. If there’s that sort of animosity lingering in the air, then usually it’s symptomatic of some other issue. I mean, you’ve only been living together six months, so you’ve likely not stumbled onto any of the really offensive things you can do to piss her off. You know, like leaving your dirty clothes or wet towels on the floor, coming home late from a night out with your buds while being all drunk and smelling like stripper sweat, or forgetting to flush the toilet.

(Notice I didn’t say “leave the toilet seat up,” because fuck that. The fucking thing works both ways. Do you back your car into or out of your garage before checking to see if the door’s open? No? SAME FUCKING PRINCIPLE. Deal with it, people.)

Now, Dude, before we crown you the winner of this little tiff (which would only be a temporary victory, anyway, because you’re for sure going to find some way to dick it up before the end of the day), it’s worth noting that your problem may, of course, have another root cause. In order to explore this, we need to revisit part of your original note:

“She works normal hours, from 8 am to about 5/5:30 pm. I work from 10 am to about 7/7:30 pm. When she gets home we have dinner, talk and do what late 20s/early 30s couples do *wink wink nudge nudge* then watch TV and she goes to bed about 9 pm.”

First, I think you meant that you’re the one who gets home some time after 7:30, right?

Next, you say you do *all* that other shit in about an hour or so? Hey, here’s a thought: Maybe she wants you to come to bed with her BECAUSE SHE’S GIVING YOU ANOTHER CHANCE TO FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED.

What, did you really, really think I was going to let you get away with that whole “late 20s/early 30s *wink wink nudge nudge*” bit, like you’ve got the market cornered on that sort of thing? Do you think those of us older than you have to return our dicks to the front desk and maybe get back our deposit? Listen up, youngster: if my wife goes to bed after we “*wink wink nudge nudge*” it’s because she’s too fucking exhausted to remain upright and conscious, but she’s smiling as she drifts off. Know what I’m sayin’?

This, of course, is the whole point of that sort of strategy, because once that mission’s accomplished, then I’m free to play Xbox or watch shitty action movies. Now, it sounds like you may be on the cusp of stumbling upon this secret of successful cohabitation, but youth and inexperience currently prevent you from grasping and properly employing the essential nuances. If this truly is the case, then I encourage you not to worry; that sort of mastery usually comes in your late 30s/early 40s.

Good luck, grasshopper.

Disclaimer 1: After answering 66 of these things, I hope you’ve realized by now that—aside from my very real feeling that there’s nothing disrespectful about your particular bedtime rituals—I’m basically goofing on you a bit here. If I upset or offended you with my answer, that was not my intention, and for that I sincerely apologize.

Disclaimer 2: Unless you really weren’t upset or offended, in which I case I MEANT EVERY WORD.

Disclaimer 3: Everything I tell you is a lie.

Disclaimer 4: I’m lying to you right now.

David Gerrold’s Website

David Gerrold Facebook

Star Trek Phase II

SFWA Emergency Medical Fund Donations Page

APLA AIDS Project Los Angeles

David Gerrold on Amazon

They reveal their next Supplement Log will be out on Wednesday featuring an interview with David Gerrold. They will also discuss Star Trek Online, STLV Update, the TNG Movie Event, the Bookshelf, and Listener Mail. Finally, Terry tells us that she has finally received her Diamond Select Enterprise-E! Also, We remind everyone that the Book Club is coming up on Saturday March 23rd. We will be discussing Star Trek: Destiny Triology.

New Star Trek: Into Darkness Trailer

Tales From The DMZ

Star Trek Posters

By the time G & T’s 84th episode is recorded live, I’ll finally reach twenty-seven years of existence on this world.  Birthdays have become less interesting to me as years go by, but they are at least celebrated with a nice dinner or two.

In the exciting and thrilling life of Dayton Ward (Novelist Extraordinaire), how are birthdays celebrated?   What has been the best or most memorable birthday in your life?  And has there been a birthday in your life that you find the worst (and would want to forget about)?

Thank you, and all the best.

First, congratulations on completing your 27^th consecutive circumnavigation of our sun. Bonus points to you if you were able to accomplish this feat while still retaining all of your original organs, teeth, and sanity.

How do I celebrate my birthdays? Well, at this stage of life, it’s just not a proper observance unless it begins at dawn with a parade marching across the courtyard at stately Ward Manor. This normally is followed by the presentation of a special proclamation read by the governor, granting me the privilege of pillaging the neighboring towns and provinces. All of this, of course, precedes the grand ball held that evening, which features all manner of sacrificial virgins, lap dances, and Steel Panther throwing me a tribute concert. Death to all but Metal, bitches!

Oh, and you know it’s an open bar. All. Day. All. Night.

Wait…all that shit’s just in my head. Well, except for the lap dances part. Okay, not even those. DAMN.

Like you, birthdays have become pretty much “just another day” the older I’ve gotten. I mean, I’m a couple of decades away from being able to say, “HOLY SHIT! I’M STILL HERE!” whenever a birthday rolls around, right? I’m well past the point where big surprise parties and opening lots of presents is the order of the day. I’m happy if I get to sleep in that morning, get a cool hand-drawn card from my kids, and dinner at a favorite restaurant. If I’m really lucky, the wife will see fit to dress up like an Orion Slave Girl, or don the Princess Leia costume from Return of the Jedi. You know the one I’m talkin’ about.

Hold up. Wait. Sorry…fell back into my own head for a second there. Shit.

Anyway….

This isn’t to say that there haven’t been memorable birthdays. There was the year Rush came to town for a concert the night of my birthday. Then there was the time we flew to Vegas to see…you guessed it…Rush, and we even preceded that with a book signing at Star Trek: The Experience. The PR person there even set us up with the full ride and tour package, so we were able to get our geek on before heading down to Mandalay Bay for the concert. Then Kevin got hit on by a hooker, completing the whirlwind trip.

My 40^th birthday was actually a pretty kick-ass day. My wife set up a whole surprise deal for me and a bunch of my friends where we all went to the Kansas Speedway and got to drive NASCAR racing cars around the track. As I recall, I was able to get the car out of second gear before time ran out.

The weirdest birthday I remember is due to what happened instead of what was supposed to happen. 1989: I’m stationed on Okinawa and people in my shop are planning a birthday shindig at one of our favorite off-base hangouts. All of that got cancelled because I, along with a handful of other people from our group, were pulled into an insane project which was part of a large, frantically evolving effort as U.S. military forces were preparing to evacuate American personnel from embassies and other locations in China in the wake of the all the shit going down at Tiananmen Square. None of that we were planning for ever happened, and everything we did to prep for it got shelved…the day after my birthday, so thanks for making me miss my party, you mother fuckers. To this day, I have no idea how many lap dances I lost out on.

These days? I celebrate each birthday wiht the realization of “HOLY FUCK! I’M NOT DEAD!” My plan for the time being is stick with that, because it seems to work. However, if anyone wants to do the whole Princess Leia/Return of the Jedi or Orion Slave Girl getup for me, I won’t complain.

Put your hand down, Nick.

HallMark

Super Dickery

Then, all hell breaks loose when Mike, who was handling the stream, experienced a severe power outage that left the stream in the dark for the rest of the show. However, that didn’t stop Nick and Terry from chatting with each other and the chat room for more another hour. The highlights are presented here.

March 2013

New books this month:

The Original Series: Devil’s Bargain
written by Tony Daniel

Mass Market Paperback, 320 pages

Release date: February 26th 2013

Star Trek: The Original Series: Devil’s Bargain

Back cover blurb:

Captain James T. Kirk and the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise are sent to evacuate the Omega sector frontier colony Vesbius—a pioneer settlement that is on the brink of an extinction-level event threatening not only all of the colonists, but biological products that are vital to Starfleet. However, rescue efforts are being thwarted by the colonists themselves, who refuse to abandon Vesbius, claiming that their lives depend upon staying, while giving no reason why. It is after these irrational decisions that First Officer Spock makes a radical suggestion: Perhaps an unexpected ally could aid the colony and help complete the mission.

Additional information:

• The Tony Daniel writing this novel is a Hugo award nominated science-fiction writer and not to be confused with the comic book writer and artist of the same name.
• Devil’s Bargain marks Tony Daniel’s debut as a Star Trek writer
• Some of Tony Daniel’s past works were  edited by Star Trek novelist Greg Cox, to whom this novel is dedicated
• An excerpt can be find here on Simon & Schuster’s website
• You can discuss the book on the G & T forums in this thread.

The Next Generation: The Stuff of Dreams
written by James Swallow

eBook eclusive novella, 100 pages

Release date: March 25th 2013

Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Stuff of Dreams

Back cover blurb:

When Captain Picard is summoned back to the mysterious space-time phenomenon known as the nexus, he and his crew become embroiled in a desperate plot to rewrite history, no matter what the cost.

Additional information:

• Follows on from David Mack’s recent Cold Equations ST:TNG trilogy and revisits plot threads from the Generations movie
• This story is one of Simon & Schuster’s infrequent releases of eBook exclusive novellas
• There is no excerpt available at this moment
• You can discuss the book on the G & T forums in this thread.

Book News

David R. George III:

Surrounding the release of his TOS novel Allegiance in Exile last month David R. George III was active talking to  Star Trek related websites.

In late January he talked to startrek.com, the only news bit coming out of it was that he was talking with Pocket Books about future books. Later in February he followed up on this on his Facebook by confirming that another Star Trek novel by him will be out in 2014.

In late February DRG III participated in Starbase 118‘s Writing Improvement Month 2013  in form of a video Q&A. Other events in this endeavour involved fellow Star Trek alumni Margaret Wander Bonanno and Melinda Snodgrass.

Finally he did a lengthy interview with trek.fm’s podcast Literary Treks, talking about his DS9 novels, for example explaining his motivations and reasons for portraying Sisko the way he did in his  Typhon Pact novels. He also urges the readers to support any DS9 related novels, as they are always on the brink of being cut according to him.

In more self serving David R. George III news:  My review of David R. George III’s recent TOS novel Allegiance in Exile went live on Unreality SF in February.

Christopher L. Bennett talks Rise of the Federation:

In an interview with trekmovie.com Christopher L. Bennett talked about his upcoming Enterprise era novel Rise of the Federation: A Choice of Futures  and revealed that the “focus is largely on two main starship crews, which include a mix of familiar and new characters and move some of the familiar cast into new roles and responsibilities.“ Additionally he tells the interviewer that “

there are also characters representing various branches of the Federation government, which at this stage wasn’t structured quite the same way as its 24th-century incarnation as portrayed in the book Articles of the Federation. If you’ve ever wondered what a Federation commissioner was (a title used a couple of times in the original series), you’ll find out here. “

You can read much more about the development of the novel and about Christopher L. Bennett’S original novel Only Superhuman here.

Peter David returns home, in more ways than one …:

One week earlier than originally planned Peter David returned home from the post-stroke rehab facility in early February.

But if that wouldn’t be enough, less than two months after his stroke he also returned to the convention circus at the Farpoint convention in Baltimore, even participating in Crazy8Press’ panel about future plans, the publishing operation he and several of his colleagues started a year ago.

While there will always be bumps along the road it is truly remarkable to see Peter David’s progress in the last 10 weeks, and I think that we can all agree that he is one tough guy.

Peaceable Kingdoms:

After already talking about his From History’s Shadow in one installment of the Your next Big Thing internet meme in late 2012, Dayton was tagged again, and this time he answered some questions about his The Fall novel Peaceable Kingdoms. Among the tidbits he offered is his “one sentence synopsis” (only for the numerically challenged) of the novel : “Picard and his crew are dispatched to uncover the truth behind a “prominent figure within the Federation” who’s emerged onto the interstellar stage. It’s discovered that said individual may well be perpetrating a hoax as to their true identity, and has been doing so for years. This kind of sucks, since this person is now in a position to wield enormous power within the Federation.”

His answer to the who would play your characters question also indicates that there will be a Titan connection, as were his comments on the TNG show that he had long talks with James Swallow about there respective entries into the miniseries.

Beyond the Spine:

Beyond the Spine will be an irregular part of my updates looking at news about former ST authors and TrekLit related news tidbits that don’t exactly concern the mainstream US novel market  :

• In February Keith R.A DeCandido revealed that after his current TNG rewatch for tor.com is finished, he will dive into a DS9 rewatch after a short break.
• In Germany it was revealed that audible.de would finish up their series of Star Trek Vanguard audio books with the releases of the final three books in the month bewteen March and May.
• Also from Germany came two picture drafts for New Frontier characters M’Ress and Janos. Those portraits are meant to be used for the spines of future New Frontier releases by Cross Cult, the German publisher.
• People interested in news about foreign editions of the novels are always served best at thetrekcollective.com.

A look ahead

Coming out over the course of the next three months:

April 2013:

The Original Series: The Weight of Worlds * Greg Cox

May 2013:

The Original Series: The Folded World * Jeff Mariotte

June 2013:

The Original Series: The Shocks of Adversity * William Leisner

You can find a more extensive list of things to come on the G&T forums.

Final Words a.k.a Shameless plugging

Last, but hopefully not least February also saw the posting of four of my reviews on Unreality SF:

Beyond the one about Allegiance in Exile mentioned above, there are reviews for all three books in David Mack’s Cold Equations trilogy – The Persistence of Memory, Silent Weapons and The Body Electric.

On March 9^th Unreality SF will celebrate its 5^th Birthday, so look forward to some neat features on and around that date on the site.

Keep on reading!

Not too long ago it was geeky to be, well, a geek. Now, somehow it’s cool. Can you explain what this means, and why you think this came about? Do you think it will last?

Thanks, yo

Why did being geek become cool? Simple, really: While you weren’t looking, all the guys who helped you with your math homework so you could spend more time lusting after the jocks, or the girls who helped you write your term paper before you left them at the library to go finger-bang the sorority sluts, got out of school, got jobs, and took over everything. That’s right, you ungrateful, myopic, “too cool to ever go out with us” mother fuckers: We own it all now, we’re your bosses, and you’re cordially invited to go and suck long and hard on that.

Okay, not really.

I mean, I’m sure there might be some kernel of truth buried in the midst of the rather overlong and under-edited sentences comprising the first paragraph of this answer. What do I think actually might have happened? Shit, people. I don’t know. To be perfectly honest, my answer to your query is that I don’t have the first damned clue.

Therefore, I shall answer, anyway.

For whatever my opinion’s worth, I believe there are several factors which, over time, have contributed to the various degrees of “geek mainstreaming.” First, one of the earliest bastions of geekery, the computer, lost a lot of its mystery and was made available to the masses. There was a time, not all that long ago, that the realm of computers was inhabited only by those select few who understood the enigmatic machines and the odd languages with which they communicated. Such information age necromancers often were looked upon with varying degrees of awe, confusion, and scorn, but holy shit could they make those boxes sit up and talk.

Of course, nowadays, everybody has a computer. There’s an entire generation of people who’ve never known what it was like not to have at least one computer in their house or classroom. Most of us now carry gadgets in our pocket which possess greater processing power than the onboard computer used by astronauts to land on the moon. Can you believe that shit? And we use these wondrous devices not to travel to other worlds, but instead to announce to the world what we’re eating for lunch, or to share porn along with pictures of cats that can’t spell. So, you know…wow.

Second: I have to think there’s something to movies, games, and television programs which used to be the purview of the more “nerdly” among us having now become accepted forms of entertainment far beyond that little outcast clique. Big-budget science fiction and fantasy movies and films based on comic books and video games are marketed as huge summer blockbusters designed to entice as many people as possible to plant their Milk Dud-snarfing asses into theater seats. Even franchises which used to be dismissed as being “too nerdy” have gotten EXTREME MAKEOVERS in order to appeal to the traditionally “non geek” crowd. Lookin’ at you, Star Trek. Regardless of anyone’s personal opinions on that flick, there’s no denying that the last Trek movie made more money than the three which came before it…combined. Some of those people have now discovered the fun to be had at Star Trek and other conventions, bringing some much-needed new blood to fandom.

Third, and again, this is just what I’m seeing, but in my mind it may well be one of the biggest contributing factors: THE WOMEN! That’s right, the ladies, with increasing frequency and ever-greater verve, have been asserting their rights to be geeks, too. The days of standing quietly next to their boyfriend or husband while he digs through the discount bins at a comic shop or convention are long gone. Or, if they’re not gone, then their end can’t come soon enough. Ladies are stepping out on their own, playing the games they want to play, buying (and writing!) the books and comics they want to read, dressing up in the costumes they want to wear, and fandom is all the better and richer for it. I say Vive la Femme!

In truth, there is no one kind of geek. The stereotype of the pimply-faced kid with ill-fitting clothes and horn-rimmed glasses who sits at home all day watching Star Trek reruns is gone, replaced by pretty much anybody with a nerd-on for something they really, really dig. In truth, the word “geek,” while often used only to label and scorn the “genre crowds,” really can be used to describe anyone who’s passionate about a hobby or other pastime.

We’ve got internet and computer geeks, gaming geeks, movie and TV and music geeks, history geeks, food geeks, scrap-booking geeks, and even wine geeks. The rabid followers of the TV show Glee even call themselves “Gleeks” and nobody bats an eye. Sports fans who memorize all manner of statistics and other minutiae, or who wear jerseys and other paraphernalia or just paint themselves in team colors when they go to games are definitely geeks of another persuasion. Hell, as was most recently pointed out by Steve McGarrett on an episode of Hawaii Five-0, “Fantasy Football is Dungeons & Dragons for sports geeks.”

Hell, we’re all one flavor of geek or another, when you think about it. The question now, is what do we do about it? I say embrace that shit. Hug it out, hard.

There’s a great quote from Simon Pegg (Scotty in the new Trek flicks, for those of you who’ve banished that film from your tortured memory), that goes like this:

“Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating.”

Word.

So, listen to Scotty: Go forth and be geeky.

I have to wonder, are you a Gamer? If so, are there any video games that hold a special place in your heart? Do you ever get really attached to a character within the game and maybe even shed a tear if that character doesn’t survive the story or is there a character you hate will all your being because of an action they did? Just curious.

Signed,
A fan

I like games, but I don’t think I can call myself a “gamer,” let alone a “Gamer.” What kind of games do I like? All sorts of ‘em, really. Card and dice games, board games, and, yes, even the occasional video game. Hell, remember who you’re talking to, here. I’m the guy with a functional arcade game in his home office:

Put that in your Xbox and smoke it, bitches.

Being a parent of youngsters, I play a lot of games with the kids. We avail ourselves of the classics; you know, your basic Uno, Dominoes, Operation and Sorry! We’re also getting set to try Scrabble and Monopoly as the girls are learning to read and/or deal with money. In a fit of nerdity and thanks to my hetero lifemate, Kevin Dilmore, I sometimes pull out the board game edition of The Six Million Dollar Man he purchased at a con for me last year. That’s right, folks: pure 1970s cheesy goodness, complete with the little spinner dial and hokey POWER CARDS to fuel that bionic board game action.

I’ve also acquired a renewed interest in a favorite game from childhood: Battleship. No, not because of that shitty movie, but because I’ve recently learned that there’s a booze-related variant, BattleShots!

What could possibly go wrong?

Years ago, I got into board games like Risk, Axis & Allies, and Shogun. I have fond memories of several Axis & Allies all-nighters played with friends in the barracks, augmented by cheap pizza and even cheaper beer. I tried role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons or FASA’s Star Trek, and more elaborate tabletop strategy games like Star Fleet Battles and Battletech. The problem with those games—for me, anyway—was that they took too damned long to “get ready to play.” I just wanted to roll some dice and blow up some shit, all right?

A lot of the games I’ve gotten into in recent years appeal to me because they don’t take too long to play, and I can stick them in my backpack when I travel. Zombie Dice, Martian Dice, and Grave Robbers From Outer Space in particular are fun because they travel light, play fast, and don’t have a lot of stuff. They make for great bar games at cons, and…indeed…the addition of alcohol can enhance the game results. That, or it’ll at least let you quit giving a fuck when you’re getting your taint handed to you.

And, finally, there’s video games.

I don’t play video games like I used to. As a teenager in the early 80s, I had that “state of the art” Atari home console, and I dropped an assload of quarters into arcade machines all over Tampa. Tron, Gyruss, Defender, Zaxxon, and Star Trek like the one in the picture up above. As for home games, back in the day I was all over first-person shooters like Duke Nukem or Star Wars: Dark Forces. I still think Elite Force is one of the better Star Trek video games, because it found a way to marry a first-person shooter to a pretty decent Trekish storyline. Before that, I loved the Star Trek stuff Interplay put out in the 90s, 25th Anniversary and Judgment Rites. They were more “questy” than I usually like, but I made an exception, well, because Kirk and the gang, yo.

However, after yammering on here for five hundred and something words now, I get the sense that our wayward inquisitor might be interested in my feelings about Star Trek Online. After dropping eighty bucks to pre-order the “special collector’s edition” of the game, complete with book of artwork and fancy-schmancy delta shield pin, I’ve played the game exactly zero fucking times. In fact, I’ve never played any sort of MMORPG, so I have no thoughts on loathing or becoming too attached to a character within such a game setting. Well, I’d probably have my player persona travel to the Delta Quadrant and gut Neelix like a fish I don’t even want to eat. Can you do that in the game? Somebody should look into it.

As I’ve explained before: I don’t have the time to devote to such a game. I mean, there’s a reason I don’t have a game console in my home office or any games installed on my laptop. I don’t sleep now, as it is. If I started in on something like Star Trek Online, I’d give up hygiene and interacting with my kids. You’d find me on the couch with Cheetos in my hair and my floor littered with discarded Monster Energy Drink cans and Gamer Grub bags., along with the decomposing corpses of the pets I forgot to feed.

That, or I’d nod off between missions and the cat would eat my eyes.

So, let’s avoid that, shall we?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go upstairs and let my five-year old kick my ass at Wii Bowling.

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We’ve made some changes to the schedule for the first installment of the G & T Show’s Book of the Celestial Temple Book Club. Our first live discussion will be on March 23rd at 9am, right here on our website’s streaming page. We will be discussing Star Trek: Destiny the Omnibus Edition by David Mack. Our hosts for the Book Club will be Lanny and Cush, with some special guests dropping by to share their thoughts and experiences. We are looking forward to this upcoming feature and invite our audience to participate. See you then.

Star Trek: Renegades

Star Trek: Of Gods And Men

Star Trek: New Voyages

Star Trek: Continues

DJ Plazma

Star Trek Cosplay Facebook

Creation Entertainment STLV

Saturday mornings were such a great time in my youth, cartoons out the wazoo. What were your Saturday mornings like? What cartoons did you love?

Ah, Saturday mornings. You roll out of bed, stay in your pajamas until mid-afternoon, chomping on Pop-Tarts and Hawaiian Punch while you camp out on the living room floor getting hypnotized by the TV.

Hold up. That was yesterday.

But when I was a kid? My Saturday mornings were filled with chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze!

No, wait. All of that was just in my head. Sorry.

Saturday mornings in the early to mid 1970s were a special time for youngsters everywhere. Every one of the networks—ALL THREE OF THEM—had cartoons on, from eight in the morning until at least noon, if not later. Super heroes, space adventure, and Scooby Doo? OH MY. Hanna-Barbera and Filmation ruled the airwaves! Yes, most of it was little more than goofy fun, but we also had groovy educational bits like Schoolhouse Rock. Conjunction Junction, what’s your Function? See, you’re singing it already, aren’t you?

My favorite cartoons of that time were what you might expect: Super Friends, or Filmation’s Batman or Tarzan shows were appointment TV. I got to watch the animated Star Trek during its original run, along with Return to the Planet of the Apes. Other sci-fi shows were Flash Gordon and Space Sentinels. I also watched stuff like Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, various flavors of Scooby Doo, and so on. And let’s not forget various live-action fare that sometimes got sprinkled into the mix. Shazam and Isis had their own shows, and then there were shows like Ark II, Space Academy and Jason of Star Command.

And because my local UHF stations also ran reruns of old shows out the ass, I got healthy servings of classic sci-fi TV from the 60s and 70s, all in glorious black and white because by that point in the day my father had kicked me out of the living room to watch college football, and I was left with the little black and white TV in my room with the crappy rabbit ears. Still, I got my fill of shows like the original Star Trek along with Lost In Space, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, and Space: 1999. Those were followed by one station running a double-bill cheesy sci-fi or horror movie block, Creature Feature, hosted by a dude in creepy makeup who called himself Doctor Paul Bearer. That’s where I got to see flicks like The Day the Earth Stood Still, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Creature from the Black Lagoon for the first time, along with some of the borderline pervy stuff like old Hammer horror films.

Saturdays in the 70s were the shit, people. Kids today just have no clue how much Awesome they missed.

By the time the 80s rolled around, I wasn’t watching as much of the Saturday morning offerings, but I remember catching the first versions of shows like He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Thundarr the Barbarian, and G.I. Joe, even though these weren’t always on Saturday mornings anymore. By then, I’d also gotten a plate full of quintessentially 70s and 80s sci-fi in primetime, too: The Six Million Dollar Man, Battlestar Galactica, Logan’s Run, and Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, just to name the prominent examples.

Since having kids of my own, I’ve taken to acquiring several of these series which are now on DVD or Blu ray, and we’ve been watching them together. My kids actually dig 70s cartoons like the Super Friends and Scooby Doo and even the animated Star Trek, but other shows just don’t grab them in the slightest. In all honesty, not everything from my childhood holds up, and some of it is just plain awful. But, seven or eight-year old me had a ball with those shows. Whenever I see my kids watching some modern cartoon on Nickelodeon that I think sucks, I remind myself that when I was their age, some of the shows I watched also sucked. Big time. Donkey balls big time. But I can still watch some of the other stuff, and it’s fun to do it with the kids as I pass on a bit of harmless geekery from days gone by.

And the Pop Tarts and Hawaiian Punch are still tasty, too.

Star Trek Continues

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The Con of Wrath website

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Star Trek: New Voyages

This is something Christine Thompson asked during her recent interview with the G and T Show:

“Vanguard is an excellent series. I like it a lot. When I read the first one, I said this is like Trek, but it’s not. That’s really interesting. I wonder how he got something like that cleared. What made them take a chance to on something that didn’t involve any of the major series but turned out that awesome?”

So, what’s up with that?

Isn’t it amazing what you can accomplish when you hold in your possession embarrassing photos depicting film studio execs engaging in unseemly acts with pandas?

I need to clarify a few things, not only for Christine but also anyone who’s new to the show and perhaps isn’t aware of the various behind-the-scenes shenanigans involved in the development and writing of the Star Trek: Vanguard novel series. First, I had nothing to do with convincing CBS to approve the series. Vanguard was the brainchild of Marco Palmieri, at the time one of the editors of Star Trek fiction for Pocket Books, and author David Mack.

It was these two fine gents who created the series concept, its cast of characters, and the overall direction which would drive the core storyline over the course of what at the time as an undetermined number of books. They are the ones who took this proposal to our benevolent masters at CBS, who in turn saw that this was Good Stuff, similar to yet distinct from other “spin-off” series featuring original ships and crews like Peter David’s Star Trek: New Frontier or Keith DeCandido’s Star Trek: Klingon Empire. Confident that such a spin-off could work in the era of the original Star Trek TV series, CBS gave its sincere, heartfelt, and corporate-sanctioned “Okie Dokey.”

Then, in a fit of joint insanity they regret to this day, Marco and Dave saw fit very early on to include me and Kevin as potential contributors to the series.

Even before Dave’s inaugural Vanguard novel, Harbinger, was published, Kevin and I were getting up to speed. We read the series bible Dave had written, along with his manuscript for the first book as we worked on an outline for what would be the second book. It’s worth noting that at this point in time, Marco’s plan was for multiple writers to contribute to the series, just as was  being done with the “regular” fiction lines and spin-off series like the Corps of Engineers and Titan. It wasn’t until the second and third books, our Summon the Thunder and Dave’s Reap the Whirlwind, that the decision was made to keep Vanguard as a sort of “one-two punch” approach, with Dave alternating writing duties from book to book with me and Kevin. And that’s how it went for the remainder of the series.

Damn, was that an ass-load of fun.

We’ve told people before about how the three of us, along with Marco and later Margaret Clark, would get together to plan how to push the series forward. Those brainstorming sessions were delightfully mischievous and even a bit evil; a tradition at each summer’s Shore Leave convention, when we’d sneak off for Saturday night dinner in order to scheme the next set of plot twists for each successive book. That was almost as much fun as writing the books themselves.

When Dave, Kevin, and I finally decided that it was the right time to bring the series to a proper conclusion, we actually had to convince first our editors and then the folks at CBS that this was “the right move.” They had become fans of the series, as well, and making our case was a hard sell. In fact, you have them and our editor to thank for Declassified, the collection of four novellas which preceded the series’ two-part conclusion. That was their price for letting us end the series on our terms and go out on what we felt was a high note, rather than because of low sales or a change in editorial vision.

Now that Vanguard is over, we frequently get asked if the three of us might come together at some point to work in similar fashion on some new project, be it a new Star Trek series or something else entirely. All I’m going to say at this point is that the topic has been discussed—at length. Nothing’s definite, but you just never know. Stay tuned.

As for Christine’s thoughts about Vanguard being so awesome? I’m obviously quite biased, though I tend to force myself not to buy too much into any hype or praise sent my way by appreciative readers and fans. That said, I do tend to agree with this sentiment whenever folks tell me how much they’ve enjoyed the books. Vanguard was and remains something very special to me; a true highlight of my so-called writing career, and I’m proud and privileged to have been a part of it.

Besides, T’Prynn and Anna Sandesjo? SMOKING. HOT.

I mean….damn.

MD Bruffy’s Nova Trek series continues in pdf paperback! Following the events in “A Tale of Two Captains”, Commander Kang finds himself in a position to complete the alliance with the Union that Chancellor Gorkon wants. But Klingon Ambassador Kochon is dead set against it. Kang has fought and won many battles in his years of service to the Empire. Can he survive this one long enough to complete his mission- or will his own people be the death of him?

Star Trek Online

Titan Magazines – Star Trek Magazine

Google+ – STO Community

Star Trek: Into Darkness Movie News begins with a couple of squirrels pertaining to some new movies and upcoming trailers before getting to the meat of it. There’s no Ask Dayton this week, but next week, we’re proud to announce that Dayton Ward will be in the studio with us. Send us your questions for Ask Dayton: Live! to hosts@gandtshow.com or by posting your questions on the forums here. This week also featured a new STLV Update, along with a reminder that Farpoint is fast approaching. Livestream technical issues may have disrupted the show, but we finished up strong with a healthy dose of Listener Mail followed by an intense discussion of Disease in Terry’s Voyager Watch.

Music for the G & T Show was provided by Warp 11, Smooth Federation, Grethor, and Five Year Mission.

http://www.startrekmagic.com

Welcome to Book Report, a new monthly feature here at the G & T Show. For those who don’t know me beyond being mentioned on the show under my online persona, DefCon. I think I should introduce myself first and talk a bit about my history with Trek novels:

My name is Jens Deffner, I am 33 years old and come from Germany.

I have started to read the Trek novels in earnest sometime in the late nineties. At first I read the German translations, but when the German releases became fewer and fewer I started to transition to reading the novels in English sometime during the early ’00s and haven’t looked back since. As a result of some very extensive (and sometimes expensive) trips to flea markets and book shops I own and have read most of the novels and anthologies released by Pocket Books in one language or the other. Over the last decade or so I have published reviews of the books online, first on my LiveJournal and on message boards and since March 2008 on the UK based media tie-in centered website Unreality SF. For Unreality SF I have also interviewed a bunch of the authors about their novels both media tie-in and original, and plan to do more in the future. At the moment there is little new stuff by me due to lack of time, but if you’re into Big Finish’s audío plays there are regular reviews by Star Trek novelist Steve Mollmann there as well.

But that’s enough about me, let’s talk about what this feature is about: In the Book Report I will talk about the new release(s) of the current month and try to give you all the information you need to know to decide if it’s something you’re interested in. For page counts and release dates I will use the info given on Simon & Schuster’s website. One note regarding release dates: They are usually only true for the eBook versions, the dead-tree versions usually start to appear a week or two before that date, so by the time I feature a book here it should be out in all formats.

Beyond talking about the current release(s) I will collect all news about Trek-Lit I have encountered over the course of the preceding month to give you a destination to learn about all thing Trek-Lit without you having to spend a lot of time to search the different sources for news.  But without any more delays here’s this month’s Book Report.

New book this month:

Allegiance in Exile
written by David R. George III

Mass Market Paperback, 384 pages

Release date: January 29th 2013

Star Trek: The Original Series: Allegiance in Exile

Back cover blurb:

A beautiful green world, rich in fertile soil and temperate climate…a textbook Class-M planet that should be teeming with life. Scans show no life-signs, but there are refined metals, including those associated with a space-faring race…and a lone city. But where are all of the inhabitants? Captain James T. Kirk leads a landing party from the U.S.S. Enterprise, hoping to get some answers.

The away team discovers a city in ruins, covered by dust, utterly bereft of life. Tricorder readings indicate that this is no ancient metropolis—it has been deserted only for a year. And just beyond the citadel lies what appears to be an ancient spaceport…a graveyard of ships that have clearly been sabotaged.

With these ruins too far from either the Klingon or the Romulan Empires, the Enterprise crew can only wonder: Who could have done this? And could this unnamed threat now pose an imminent danger to the Federation?

Additonal information:

• The first line of the book according to a Facebook posting by David R. George III is: „The ground rumbled a moment before the missile lanced through the air toward the clearing at the edge of the vacant city.“
• The book is set at the start of the final year of the 5 year mission.
• An excerpt can be found here.
• You can discuss the book on the G & T forums in this thread.

Book News:

Note: Usually I will post news here that have come up since the last Book Report, but since this is the first I have collected the news of the last 4-6 weeks here.

The Fall miniseries:

In late December the full line up for the The Fall miniseries was revealed, including the current working titles and all authors. Over the course of the month the authors have added some tidbits either on their blogs or in interviews, so that we have a pretty good picture about the series beyond the rather generic info on Simon & Schusters website ( “The Federation is rocked to its core as the Typhon Pact is suspected of being behind a barbarous act that shatters the fragile peace of the Alpha Quadrant. An original Star Trek novel, this is part of a five-book story arc that takes place over a sixty-day period, but it is not necessary to read each novel in order to follow the storyline, which involves all aspects of The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine universes. ” ) by now. Starting in September we will get:

September 2013:

• Revelations and Dust by David R. George III, a DS9 centered novel.

October 2013:

• The Crimson Shadow by Una McCormack, a novel featuring Garak and the crew of Star Trek TNG on Cardassia.

November 2013:

• A Ceremony of Losses by David Mack. David has posted some tidbits about this on his blog : “It will feature characters from the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine series, including Doctor Julian Bashir on the new-and-improved DS9 station, and Captain Ezri Dax and her crew aboard the U.S.S. Aventine. It will be a combination political-medical-military thriller that will have serious and lasting consequences for some of our continuing principal characters. And, although this is subject to change, at the moment its opening sentence is, “There was so much blood.” “

December 2013:

• The Poisoned Chalice by James Swallow, a novel featuring the crerw of the U.S.S. Titan.

January 2014:

• Peaceable Kingdoms by Dayton Ward will be a TNG centric novel.

Beyond information about their own novels some of the authors also provided some more general stuff: Dayton Ward revealed that “It’s also worth noting that unlike the previous Star Trek: Typhon Pact mini-series which utilized this basic notion of multiple authors and casts, the books this time around won’t be so locked in to a single crew. Expect more in the way of team-ups/collaborative action from across the various groups of characters.” and James Swallow blogged that “One thing we’re looking to do with The Fall is showcase cross-series storylines, so you can also expect to see characters from different fiction streams teaming up and working together; in addition, some of the novels will be taking place simultaneously in different parts of the galaxy, and we’ve been working to make sure that the events in each story connect seamlessly to form one coherent narrative. “

Finally a  revelation about the source of the series name came from David Mack in an audio interview with Literary Treks, transcribed by 8of5 on his trekcollective.com. “The miniseries was named “the fall miniseries”, because it was scheduled for the season of fall, and it was only as we began batting around ideas, and someone said, “this is all turning pretty grim maybe we should call it The Fall, that’s kind of ominous”. We all thought it was a good laugh and a good joke. Then the editor said, “actually that’s not bad, we’ll go with that”, and we’re like, “what have we done?”

Sources: trekmovie.com, thetrekcollective.com (I, II), Dayton Ward’s blog, James Swallow’s blog, David Mack’s blog)

Interviews with authors

Please don’t tell Nick, Teri and Michael that I told you this, but there are other podcasts out there talking with the Star Trek authors. One especially active right now is the Literary Treks podcast by trek.fm I mentioned above. Over the course of the last two months they have talked to Dayton Ward (yes, he cheated on G&T), Kirsten Beyer, Keith R.A. DeCandido, Una McCormack, James Swallow and David Mack.

Some of the most interesting tidbits from the Mack and Swallow interviews were transcribed on thetrekcollective.com.

David Mack spoke in depth about his career, including how he got into writing and of course his most recent work, the Cold Equations trilogy, and upcoming stuff.

Beside talking about his Star Trek backlog, James Swallow revealed a lot about the upcoming eBook novella The Stuff of Dreams and dropped some hints about a continuation of the Andorian story arc in future releases.

Sources: Literary Treks on trek.fm, trekcollective.com

The Weight of Worlds cover

Earlier this month startrek.com revealed the cover for Greg Cox’s upcoming TOS novel The Weight of Worlds, which has a nice retro feel to it:

8of5 posted some additional information about the chracter pics used on the cover on his blog here.

Sources: startrek.com, trekcollective.com

Peter David

As most of you most likely have already heard on the G&T show Star Trek novelist Peter David suffered a stroke in late December while being on vacation in Florida. He has come a long way since then, chronicled by his wife Kathleen both on her own and Peter’s blog, but he also still has a long way to go, with medical expenses piling up every day. So if you enjoyed Peter David’s works and want to support him and his family you can do so in various ways posted about here.

Sources: Peter David’s blog, Kathleen David’s blog

A look ahead

Coming out over the course of the next three months:

March 2013: 

The Original Series: Devil’s Bargain by Tony Daniel
The Next Generation: The Stuff of Dreams by James Swallow

April 2013:

The Original Series: The Weight of Worlds * Greg Cox

May 2013:

The Original Series: The Folded World * Jeff Mariotte

You can find a more extensive list of things to come on the G&T forums.

Final Words

So there you have it, the debut edition of the Book Report. Feel free to tell me what you think about it on the G & T forums and give suggestions on how to approve this feature. You will hear from me again at the start of the next month, but until then: Keep on reading!

http://melindasnodgrass.com/

http://priorityonepodcast.com/gallery/moral-code/#sg1

Last year was a good year for genre films, with surprises like Looper and huge success with The Dark Knight Rises and The Avengers, but we also saw the cancellation of several series, capping with Alphas being cancelled this week. What is your view on the constant failure on TV of sci fi/fantasy? Is it simply cost because “reality” is cheaper, or is there really no ratings due to such a fragmented viewing audience?

Thanks dude.

Don’t you just hate the constant cock-teasing that is watching TV? You get all hot and bothered for a new show, dedicate valuable DVR space and however many of your precious minutes to watching it every week, and then they go and cancel the thing. THOSE HEARTLESS MOTHER FUCKERS, HOW DARE THEY?

I’ve been there, dude (or dudette). I feel your pain. I long ago quit trying to keep track of all shows I thought deserved a better fate than the one given to them by their studio or network. One show that was new for this season, Last Resort, got yanked just as it was getting good. Last year, we had stuff like The Firm and Combat Hospital—not the greatest shows ever made but entertaining in their own way—cancelled. Eureka recently ended its run on Syfy, but perhaps the gravest sin came courtesy of TNT, when they cancelled Leverage. FUCKING LEVERAGE. GONE? THAT IS BULLSHIT.

Okay, let me pause to take a calming, restorative breath.

Anyway, sorry to hear about Alphas. I wasn’t a regular viewer, but anything with David Straitharn is worth checking out. Why was it cancelled? Well, it happens for the same reason most television series are cancelled: Some studio big wig finds out the star is fucking his wife.

No, wait. That’s not it.

Oh, here it is: Not enough people were watching it, and it was too expensive to produce if not enough people are watching it. Simple math. Alphas fought the math, and the math won.

Why do such injustices keep being visited upon us? Why is it that whenever a show comes along trying to do something different end up on the scrapheap of short-lived series, while undiluted dogshit like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo keeps getting churned out? As you already guessed, such shows are cheap to make, and people watch them. That’s right, somebody out there somewhere thinks Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is the greatest fucking TV show ever invented. Hard to believe, right? And while I’m certain the number of people with the nuts to make that claim likely is pretty small, there’s a larger group into which I’m willing to bet a lot of us fall: The group that says they think a show is shit, and yet they watch it anyway.

C’mon, raise your hands: How many of you watch crap like Jersey Shore or The Bachelor, or perhaps even less harmful stuff like Survivor or Ghost Hunters or World’s Dumbest Criminals? I’ll admit I have a soft spot for shows like Deadliest Catch, The Amazing Race, or Pawn Stars. We have only ourselves to blame for the proliferation of cheaply-made reality pabulum that now pollutes the programming landscape. The more we watch, the more producers look to fill time slots with some twice-removed clone of something, or the more they’re inspired to push the envelope as far as they can.

The sub-genre of reality TV that hinges on exploiting some group of people the producers feel are ripe for poking fun are particularly heinous. You know the shows…basically anything set somewhere in the South where every line of dialogue is subtitled because you can’t understand what the fuck they’re saying. Swamp People, Bamazon, Gator Boys…who the fuck pitches shows about this sort of thing in a meeting?

And then, of course, there’s Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, which if I’m the commander of an invading alien armada, is more than sufficient reason to crush Earth into a fine powder for sprinkling on my Raisin Bran. How, exactly, did that pitch meeting go down, anyway? Holy shit is that kid going to need seven different kinds of therapy. Can you imagine what she’s going to be like when she’s a teenager, after a life lived where every little thing has been handed to her on a silver plate and she’s surrounded by people agreeing with every inane thought that falls out of her head? “No, Mrs. Teacher, I didn’t do my math homework, because I’m the star of my own cable series, so you can go fuck yourself with the blunt end of a Louisville Slugger.”

Yeah, that could be fun.

Bottom line: We need to stop watching shit, and maybe the TV fuck sticks will stop making the shit. Right now, they have no incentive to change if the Nielsens and other stats show that us lemmings are watching any old crap the studios pump out. Take a stand, damn it. Stop watching the shit. If there’s a good quality show trying to gain a foothold and we like it, then we need to encourage people to watch it. Watch it when it’s broadcast, or within the window for which DVR recording stats count.

Unless we’re talking about the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. We watch that shit live, by golly.

http://www.timrusswebpage.com - Tim Russ’s homepage

http://www.startrekrenegades.com - Star Trek: Renegades Website

http://www.facebook.com/STRtheSeries - Official Star Trek: Renegades Facebook page

http://www.bugsters.com – Bugsters

http://www.bloomerstheseries.com – Bloomers

Our friends at Priority One Podcast also interviewed Tim Russ. Jump over to their site to hear their interview with Tim Russ.

http://www.ronnycox.com/ - Ronnie Cox’s website.

http://jmswallow.livejournal.com

jamesswallow.blogspot.co.uk

@jmswallow on twitter

http://www.priorityonepodcast.com – PriorityOne Podcast

On Twitter you’ve recently mentioned that you’ve finished yet another manuscript. Now what? What do you do when you finish a book and have successfully sent it off to your publisher? Do you celebrate? Do you reward yourself in some way? If so, please share your routine post manuscript ritual.

Thanks.

Weren’t you paying attention to last week’s question? Whenever I finish a manuscript and send it off to my publisher, I walk up behind my wife, smack her on the ass, and tell her, “Okay, you’re next.”

I suppose you can say any post-novel celebration ritual begins the instant I click “SEND” and fire the manuscript into the aether, after which I raise my arms in triumph to signal a touchdown, while yelling “FUCK. YES!” loud enough to wake neighbors a block over. Then I run buck-assed naked into my back yard and announce to the heavens, “I’VE GOT THE BIGGEST BALLS OF THEM ALL.” Depending on the time of year, I may follow that with any combination of “Thank the Ever-lovin’ Flying Spaghetti Monster that’s over,” “Somebody bring me some pie, goddammit,” and/or, “Holy shit! It’s fucking cold out there!”

:: Ahem. ::

I then gather my closest friends and adjourn to the most debauched gentlemen’s club we can find, during which we take my latest advance or royalty check and treat ourselves to the finest strippers and booze in all the land. We’re talking shit which could make the Pope convert; the sort of thing from which warning labels and other cautionary tales spring. Indeed, if we don’t come home without at least one member of our group being listed as missing in action, then our party efforts have failed.

I then promptly treat myself to a coma, with instructions to be disturbed only if the scope of your so-called “emergency” is such that flames are visible from the moon.

Okay, I think we all know that the only part of that which is even remotely true is the “me going to sleep” bit. That, and smacking my wife on the ass. And maybe the backyard thing.

Upon waking from my recuperative slumber, I reacquaint myself with the other denizens of my household, reaffirming my hopeful suspicions that the shadows I glimpsed in my peripheral vision from time to time are actual members of my family, rather than ghosts or other figments of my imagination, or the creepy bastard on the wing of the plane from that old Twilight Zone episode. I put names to faces, catching up on all the latest happenings since the previous seasonal equinox.

Once I’m back on speaking terms with the other dwellers of stately Ward Manor, I give myself a varying number of days to recharge before diving into the next project. I devote some time to leisure reading, putting forth an honest effort at making a dent in my “To Be Read” pile. I do some movie-watching, too. As I write this, I have a stack of Blu-rays and DVDs I haven’t yet watched, for movies I didn’t get to see in the damned theater.

“But do you really do any serious drinking?” I hear someone asking from the cheap seats. No, not really. As you might imagine, I do most of my drinking while I’m writing the book. Once that’s done, I like to give my liver a chance to recover, too. I gave up wild stupid drinking parties back in my 20s, having learned the hard way that alcohol overindulgence brings with it a heavy cost, whether in the form of embarrassing moments with vomit during morning P.T. formations, a tattoo of my bathroom tile pattern on the side of my face, or bail money. When imbibing nowadays, I mostly shoot for “even keel, easy to maintain buzz,” unless my mother-in-law comes to visit, or I’m answering one of these damned “Ask Dayton” things.

So, long story short? I like to wind it down a bit once I’m done writing a novel and have submitted the manuscript, giving myself a bit of a recharge before tackling The Next Thing. The process for that book isn’t really over at that point, anyway. There still are editors notes to address, copyedits, galley pages, and all sorts of other “these” and “those” requiring attention, after which the book is published and some fuckhead on the internet finds the misspelled word on Page 2 that you missed despite reading the damned thing five times.

And that’s when I start drinking again.

So, there you go. Not very flashy, I know, but it works for me. Speaking of which? I’ve another coma waiting on the other line. Peace out, yo.

Peter David’s Blog

The new G & T Show Forums

The Greatest Conversations To Ever Happen On Twitter Between Real Astronauts And The Cast of Star Trek

Star Trek Fan’s Wish Comes True

Alimac’s DS9 Anniversary

G & T Show’s Generations Geek Contest

Creation Entertain’s Twitter - #Cox4STLV

To start the New Year, help the lovelorn: What are the best and worst pickup lines you’ve come across?

Sincerely,

You Brought This On Yourself

Is this there really such a thing as a good pickup line? I mean, I like to think that no woman is so stupid or shallow that she might fall for a simple zinger offered up by some bar hound holding a Corona in one hand and his blue balls in the other. I hold out hope that even while searching for what might well end up being a meaningless hookup, women’s standards are high enough so as to not allow some douche nozzle taking dating tips from Barney Stinson or one of those jerkoffs from Jersey Shore.

Also, pickup lines really are just a guy thing, aren’t they? I mean, you generally don’t see some chick walk up to a dude at a club and say something like, “Hey, we’re out of nuts at our table. Can I have yours?” I’m not talking about flirting. That’s a distinctly separate behavior, and women are way, way better at that than men.

So, that leaves us with the sort of meat market lingo over which dudes reign supreme. Granted, my expertise in this area is rather limited, owing to my being married to the same woman for over twenty years. I’m therefore immunized from the need to throw myself on the mercy of some chick in a bar. Still, I’ve been around long enough to witness firsthand some of the more egregious examples of dudes embarrassing themselves to the point that the women likely discussed the pros and cons of genetically engineering the elimination of the Y-chromosome from human existence. With that in mind, here are a few examples of pickup lines to avoid:

First, references to your own dick are bad form—at least in this, the opening salvo. This goes double for those of you attempting to assign to your member any sort of charm or personality, or offering size comparisons as a means of facilitating conversation. And since we’re here? Let’s take off the table anything involving ventriloquism. Put it this way: Unless your crank is double jointed and capable of snatching peanuts from the bar and shoving them up your own ass, and doing it while singing Depeche Mode’s “Just Can’t Get Enough” with your balls providing the synthesizer accompaniment, then the lady’s likely to be unimpressed.

(NOTE: If you do meet these qualifications, I’d like to hire you if ever I finally decide to send a singing telegram to my employer letting him know I’m quitting my job.)

As for making any references or observations about her anatomy, I advise caution in this area, as well. Making a comment about her eyes might be corny, but it likely won’t get you punched in the onions the same way a line about other areas might. For example, remarking that “she must be from another planet because her ass is out of this world” should earn you a stiletto to the nutbag, not just because it’s rude but it’s also a line that’s so old that it’s been getting its own prostate exam since Carter was president. And if talking about her caboose is a bad move, then walking up behind her, smacking her on the ass and telling her, “Okay, you’re next” is definitely not a smart idea. For one thing, there’s a degree of difficulty here that makes it a tactic advisable only for trained professionals. Unless you can produce the membership card and secret handshake, you’re not that person, and trying this trick without the proper certification will get you tossed into the back alley by a couple of bouncers, after which you will be mugged and beaten by a pack of rabid Cub Scouts wielding Cricket bats.

For every desperate would-be lothario fumbling about out there, hoping against hope that he leaves the club with anyone besides Rosy Palmer and her five sisters, there are a dozen sad, pathetic pickup lines which only serve to send these losers home dejected, broke, and consigned to yet another five knuckle shuffle before crying themselves to sleep.

We could spend all day listing the worst offenders, but I believe that you, the vaunted G&T Show audience, deserve better than that. You deserve only the most lurid examples of this odd behavior which seems to be the sole domain of the male of our species. With that in mind, I have sent my trusty minions into the wilds of the internet on a quest to assemble a fitting collection of the most dismal, depressing opening lines ever to be uttered aloud by what might well be direct descendants of the missing link in our evolutionary chain.

So, sit back, buckle up, and brace yourselves. Take it away, Mike!

:: cue sound file insert ::

And there you have it folks.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go smack my wife on the ass. That’s right, I’m a professional.

1. Scott Pearson offered some trivia about which Star Trek character?
2. Which Trek series has Jadzia NOT seen yet?
3. What does Jadzia’s friends think of her geekdom?
4. What was one of the roles Scott Pearson had in preparing Bob Greenberger’s book Star Trek: The Unauthorized History?

Steve Neil’s Facebook

Merry Chalistmas

As 2012 and Season 2 of the G and T Show comes to a close, thanks for making us laugh every week, and also with the good advice, no matter how stupidly insane our questions. My question is: What are some of your best G and T memories of this year, what in Trek or sci-fi grabbed you by the short hairs and made you sit up? What made you facepalm in disbelief?

Happy Holidays and New Year Your Wardness

Well, if you’re listening to Nick read this, then we survived the apocalypse which many an idiot believed was predicted for us thousands of years ago, but which in reality was a simple case of the Mayans running out of shit on which to write down reminders about dentists appointments or bikini waxes or whatever. So, you know…congratulations on making it through to the other side.

Favorite memories of the G and T Show? You mean aside from all the times they were talking about me? Wow, that’s a tough one to answer. The interview segments, such as those with Larry Nemecek or any of my fellow writer-folk like James Swallow or Keith DeCandido, are always fun. I don’t remember if there was an interview with anyone from Star Trek Online, but I like the shows which gave us a deeper look at the game’s inner workings and behind the scenes shenanigans. Yes, I know: I’ve said repeatedly that I don’t play the game, but I still like learning about what goes into setting up the storylines. Consider it a minor kink, okay?

The Vegas Con post-mortem was a fun show, listening to everyone recount their favorite memories of the weekend. Of course, I’m reminded that Nick said he’d collected some swag to send to me, which he never did. Sorry to call you out like this, dude, but that’s the price you pay when you try to set me up with trap questions like the one coming for “Ask Dayton #58.” Anyway, listening to the con wrap-up show pretty much cemented Kevin’s and my intentions to go to the con in 2013. So, my suggestion to Nick and Terry is for them to start interviewing sacrificial virgins and stocking up on whatever adult beverages they think will best sway me and Kevin into making all sorts of bad decisions…just not with each other, okay?

Vegas, baby. Vegas.

I also like the little family of podcasts that seems to have grown in and around each other: G&T, Podcast UGC, Gates of Stove Top Stuffing or however you say it, and the way folks bounce back and forth between the shows, helping each other out and having a good time doing it. Way to represent fandom, yo.

What else? Shit, this is too much like work. Suffice it to say that I enjoy not just the show but everyone involved with bringing it together every week, and that includes the fans who tune in to listen to the latest happenings. I hope I get to meet as many of you as possible in Vegas, or at some other con.

What grabbed me in Trek this year? First up, the massive 15-CD box set collecting every note of music ever recorded for the original Star Trek series. How swank is this thing? Fuck that 4-hour problem Cialis can give you. There’s been no blood sent to my brain for the week or so since this set showed up. Elsewhere, the Next Generation Blu rays are rather sweet, as are a few big-assed books that showed up this year: Bob Greenberger’s Star Trek: The Complete Unauthorized History, Paula Block and Terry Erdmann’s Star Trek: The Next Generation 365, and the first volume of Star Trek: The Newspaper Strip. Those should keep me busy for a while. On the other hand, I had to say good-bye to the Star Trek: Vanguard novel series this year. Those were some good times, right there, and I’ll miss them.

Elsewhere in sci-fi, I liked Prometheus well enough, but The Avengers was my favorite genre flick of the year. For books, I enjoyed John Scalzi’s Redshirts and Myke Cole’s Control Point. For television, I kept watching The Walking Dead, Warehouse 13, Eureka and Tron Uprising, and Clone Wars is still better than the last three Star Wars movies. Otherwise? Not much really tripped my trigger, but then again, there’s not a lot on TV that does. However, be sure to check out Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome on the web. That is some fun stuff.

As for face-palming, I saved most of that for the unending campaign and election cycle, along with my continued disbelief at the idea that TV shows featuring redneck families who need to have their every word subtitled are watched by anyone with a functioning brain stem.

Here’s hoping for an awesome 2013, and that all of you are a part of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUtW7cykbcQ

Friend of the show, CapnPFDennis has created this video featuring him and the cast of PrimeTime UGC wishing every one a Merry Chalistmas. You can pick up the track here.

I was recently making a series of Google image searches for images of Orion slave girls for a project I have been doing for Gates of Sto-vo-kor. Naturally I was presented with a great deal of porn. I was intrigued at first but had to stop when confronted with full frontal nude Klingon male pinups. In mentioning this to the guys in the ‘Gates’ Skype chat Soriedem expressed surprise that there is such a thing as Orion porn. On hearing this I attempted to explain the concept of Rule 34, however I am not certain if he understood entirely and it occurred to me that I needed to defer to one who’s skill with words is greater than mine. And so, great wordsmith, I ask you to please elaborate on the concept of Rule 34 for the benefit of Soriedem and any blissfully ignorant listeners? In addition, I am curious to hear your favorite application of Rule 34.

Signed,

Ball Gags and Bacon

The Web: a digital frontier. In the beginning, I tried to picture clusters of information as they moved through the computer. What did they look like? Ships? Motorcycles? Were the circuits like freeways? I kept dreaming of a world I thought I’d never see. And then, one day…I found that first picture which told me I never would need to buy another girlie mag or skin flick ever again.

Welcome to the Internet, Soriedem. There are many tenets and guidelines for navigating your way through this vast electronic realm, and you must learn and respect them all if you are to make the most of your browsing experience. Among the more immutable doctrines of the virtual world is Kiri-kin-tha’s 34th Law of Metaphysics, known perhaps by its more common moniker, Rule 34 of the Internet: If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.

How best to explain this phenomenon? For this, I turn to the wit and wisdom of the late, great comedian Richard Jeni, who describes it thusly:

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you’ve got millions of pals out there. Type in ‘Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire’ and the computer will say, “Specify type of goat.’

For the purposes of Rule 34, “porn” is a broad descriptor which includes photographs, videos, drawings, and the written word. What, you say you can find something for which porn does not exist on the Internet? Kindly let me refer you to Rule 35: If there is no porn of it, porn will be made, which basically means that if your buddy can’t help you find what you’re looking for, then he’ll just draw up some stick figures in MS Paint and fire off the resulting pic to Facebook.

How did this happen? Well, the most likely explanation for that can be summed up by citing Rule 36: If you’ve thought of it, then somebody out there has a fetish for it. How do we prove that? Oh, there are any number of ways to accomplish this, starting with the examples offered right here in this week’s question: He went looking for Orion slave girls (and, really…at some point, we definitely need to have a heartfelt discussion about that), and found somebody’s stash. Granted, as fetishes go, Orion slave girls sounds pretty tame. Orion slave girls having sex with goats that are on fire? Now we’re looking to break into some new territory. What’s that? Cant’ find any examples? Here, let me get my pencil.

Now, I’m sure you’re sitting here by this point, dreaming up search terms in the hopes of disproving Rule 34. I caution you before setting out on this mission: Once seen, things cannot be unseen. Trust me on this…I know.

As for my own personal favorite application of Rule 34? Wow. It’s hard to restrict such a complicated question to a single answer, but I’ll try to play along for the purposes of this exercise. One favorite is Naked Came the Betazoid, a story I once pitched as an April Fool’s Day joke to my editor at Pocket Books, about an assassination attempt against Captain Picard during Riker and Troi’s wedding on Betazed. As you may have noticed, that one didn’t go over so well, but that didn’t stop me from conjuring all manner of disturbing imagery. For example: What are the Holy Rings of Betazed really for? And not for nothing, but Betazoid Wedding Crashers could be a fun flick. I mean, those guys have to have it going ON, right?

But if I have to pick just one, I’m forced to go with The Erotic Adventures of Commander Shull, Sultry First Officer of the Starship Defiant, which at present exists only in my twisted little pervy imagination…that is, unless somebody can point me to a juicy link.

[GeorgeTakei]

“Oh, myyyyyyyyyyyyyy.”

[/GeorgeTakei]

If I may, I’d like to divert away from bacon, porn, and ball gags for a moment and ask a strange question – for this audience at least: With NaNoWriMo finally over, some of us are now sitting on a full novel. Now, the question becomes what the heck do we do with it. It’s pretty raw and could use a little work. All right, some chapters will need to be completely rewritten, but hey what do you expect from 107,371 words in 30 days? What are some of your suggestions, recommendations, and best practices for editing our stories? Anything that we should look out for? Mistakes or pitfalls to avoid? That sort of thing.

Charlie Sheen, Winning!

Yep, it’s the annual Post-NaNoWriMo Stress Disorder, manifesting itself now that the calendar has flipped from November to December. “What have I done? What am I supposed to do now?”

You spent 30 days writing a novel, or at least a big chunk of a novel. If you did what you were supposed to be doing, you channeled the bulk of your energy into the actual writing, slinging words into your word processor as fast as your fingers could fly. Maybe you went noir, sitting up all night at a table in your kitchen, banging away at the keys of an old Royal manual typewriter, the strikers pounding the paper with a disjointed rhythm that’s almost musical. Or, hey! Perhaps you opted to go completely old-school, recording your musings with pen and paper, and now your wrist hurts like a 13-year old boy’s the day after he finds his father’s Playboy stash.

I know, I can never just answer the damned question, right?

Okay, okay. The writing’s done, and now it’s time to get on with smoothing all the rough edges off this diamond you’re forming. Get out your red pen, and prepare for the hacking and slashing. Beyond the usual tasks of making sure everything’s correctly spelled, characters don’t change gender or appear alive after you’ve killed them (assuming you didn’t do that sort of thing on purpose, of course) and things like that, you’re going to be carving out stuff you don’t need, and replacing words or whole sentences with something that now seems to work better, at least in your own head. After that? There’s really no one “right” way to edit a manuscript. Yes, we can address various things dealing with the “mechanics” of writing: eliminating unneeded tags or descriptors, making sure you’re using the right word (“affect” or “effect,” “insure” vs. “ensure,” “than” or “then,” “farther instead of “further” or vice versa, and so on). There are plenty of websites out there that can coach you through that stuff. Google “what to look for when editing a manuscript” and you’ll get all sorts of helpful hints, tips, and tricks. We could spend all day talking about that sort of thing, going down an entire checklist of Dos and Don’ts, and after you ran your manuscript through all of that, you’re still not done.

Does the story grab the reader? Does it wrap its hand around your reader’s throat and pull him or her down into the pages? Do scenes start where they need to start, rather than being prefaced by two or three pages of exposition or useless dialogue that sounded cool when you wrote it, but now doesn’t really seem to move the story forward? Do your scenes or chapters end with a hook that compels the reader to turn the page?

Everybody writes differently, so the amount of required rework to bring your story up to snuff is going to vary from writer to writer. Some people—and we call these people “bastards”—are blessed with a seemingly innate ability to write very clean prose the first time through, which only requires the lightest of editing in order to make the manuscript ready for delivery. The rest of us have to work at that sort of thing. On the other hand, I’m also not one of those writers who thinks the first thing I need to do after cobbling together 100,000 words is to go back and rewrite every fucking one of them. After spending three or four months looking at the manuscript-in-process every damned day, I’m reasonably certain that a significant portion of the words are where I want them. With NaNoWriMo the situation’s a bit different, of course, but even when I write something very fast, I tend to think I’m on the right path most of the time.

Which brings me to my next point: When it comes to being judges of our own work, most of us tend to suck at that sort of thing. We’re just not objective when it comes to our own stories. I’m not saying we can’t set aside ego and take constructive criticism or editorial guidance, but the simple fact is that the manuscript is our baby, so we’re naturally going to have at least a bit of bias. This is what beta readers or reading groups are for. Find a few people to read your manuscript, and make sure they know they’re supposed to be honest with their critique. If they’re worried about “hurting your feelings” then they’re useless as reviewers.

They need to tell you what works for them, sure, but they most definitely must also be able and willing to tell you what doesn’t work. They’ll be the ones who can show you the hole in your plot, or whether your twists and turns either make sense or seem to spring out of nowhere. And not for nothing, but it’s usually these folks who end up asking you why the hell Eric the Warrior suddenly becomes Erica the Amazon in Chapter 21, even though you killed him (or her) in Chapter 16. They’ll be the ones who ask why your Depression-era private eye tries to call his client on his cell phone.

You know, the little things.

Editing your manuscript is the second of the two-prongs on the sword you’re wielding when you craft a story of any length, equally if not more important than the actual writing. Don’t short-change this part of the process. You and your manuscript deserve a full, faithful editing effort so that you can properly finish what you started.

Good luck!

Graphical Star Trek Novel Reading Order - http://shastrix.com/books/star_trek/readingorder.php

Thanksgiving has passed and the Christmas, I’m sorry, “holiday” season is here, as we can tell from all the annoying damn ads that started months ago. UGH.

Anyway, what are your favorite holiday treats? Do you deep fry your turkey? At this time of year how do you prepare your ham? Does Mrs. Dayton make a cookie or cake you just have to have every year? If so, would you share the recipe with us? Thanks.

P.S. – What did you think of the TNG event in the theater for season two?

Deep fry a turkey? Oh, hell no. Haven’t you ever seen an episode of those reality shows with video clips of stupid people doing stupid shit? World’s Dumbest Backyard Boneheads, or whatever? Morons try deep-frying a turkey and end up burning an entire apartment complex to the ground. If I attempted something like that, they’d have to send in a containment team to make sure I don’t unleash the plague that brings on the zombie uprising. They’d have to dust off and nuke the whole site from orbit, just to be sure.

When it comes to holiday eating, we tend to do turkey on Thanksgiving and ham for Christmas. Nothing fancy; just baking one up right in the oven, along with all the usual side dishes and maybe a few extra treats provided by friends and relatives. As for favorite holiday treats, my next-door neighbor never disappoints with a tray of peanut butter fudge that is to die for, and by that I mean if you touch my peanut butter fudge I’ll fucking kill you. As I once mentioned during a previous “Ask Dayton” question, I do love pie, particularly French Silk pie, and this is one of the rare times during the year that I splurge, diet-wise, in order to enjoy this most luscious of dessert offerings. There’s a remote possibility I might share my French Silk pie with you, assuming you meet one of the following qualifications: 1) You’re one of my kids, or 2) You gave birth to my kids. Bear in mind that meeting either of these criteria does not guarantee access to my French Silk pie, but your chances are vastly better than anyone who fails to meet either standard.

(Okay, if William Shatner, Diane Lane, Aaron Sorkin, Joss Whedon, or Stormy Daniels asked, I’d give up a slice. BUT THAT’S IT.)

As for the recipe to French Silk pie? That’s an easy one: Somebody brings me French Silk pie, and I shove it into my pie hole. Repeat.

Moving on to the post-script portion of this week’s question: Who here attended the Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 2 celebration this past Thursday at a local theater, in honor of the forthcoming season set release on Blu ray? I attended a screening here in Kansas City with my hetero life mate, Kevin Dilmore. Now, we also went to the similar event back in July, staged for the first season Blu ray release, but that one we did more out of a sense of “Trekkie obligation” more than anything else. The episodes they selected for the first go-around, “Where No One Has Gone Before” and “Datalore,” aren’t two of my favorites, but the high-definition re-mastering was still quite something to behold.

However, this time? I was very excited to check out “Q Who?” and “The Measure of a Man” on the big screen. The latter is one of my favorite episodes across any of the series, and it also was the first time I along with most people got to see an extended cut of the episode, with twelve or thirteen minutes of footage which originally was trimmed in order to fit TV broadcast running time. That alone was worth the time and money to watch at the theater.

Some people might wonder why anyone would bother to go to the movies to watch stuff like this, when it is (or shortly will be) readily available for home viewing. My response to that is “Pffft.” I feel the same way about this that I do going to see older movies at the theater, even though I have the DVD on my shelf: sometimes we’re talking about something that just deserves to be seen on a big screen whenever opportunity presents itself, or—in the case of something like this—you go for the sense of community and fandom to be found as we all enjoy a common experience. Trekkies are particularly cool in this regard, which makes screenings like this so much more fun than simply throwing the disc into my player at home.

For those who didn’t get to attend the screening, it included a teaser for the forthcoming Season 3 set. Which episodes got a lot of play? “Yesterday’s Enterprise” and “The Best of Both Worlds.” Two words: HOLY. SHIT. I’m already offering up sacrificial virgins to the Gods of Trek in the hopes that either or both of these are included in any planned “Season 3 celebration” theater events.

So, now I kinda want to watch me some Trek, and I’ve got a hankering for French Silk pie, preferably delivered by a sacrificial virgin. Somebody look into that.

By Mike Medeiros
@SoriedemSTO

Welcome to the Spirit of Trek, a weekly column at Priority One Podcast, where we identify and celebrate Gene Roddenberry’s vision by discovering how its messages have started to permeate throughout humanity’s collective consciousness by looking for it on the Internet and within popular culture. With the holiday season quickly approaching, keep the Spirit of Trek alive by giving the gift of Trek to your friends and family. This week we’ll be looking at several new and not so new gift ideas for the holidays.

Star Trek licensing and merchandising has been busy this year with the release of several new and exciting products from ThinkGeek, Her Universe, StarTrek.com, Roddenberry.com, Anovos, QMX, and Bye Bye Robot and many others.

We’ll kick things off with the most obvious gift of all for every Star Trek fan, the shows and films on DVD and Blu-Ray. Whether you’re looking to complete your collection, or upgrade to Blu-Ray, there are many choices available. All three seasons of the Original Series are available on DVD and Blu-Ray. Last year, TNG’s Season One was remastered for Blu-Ray and on December 4^th Season Two will be released. The remaining seasons of The Next Generation, The Animated Series, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and Enterprise are available on DVD as standalone seasons, or as complete series.

Then, there are the films. All of the Star Trek films are also available on DVD and on Blu-Ray. However, did you know that there are film collections as well? That’s right, if you’re a fan of the Original Series or TNG, you have your choice of movie collections featuring all of the films from either generation. But, if you can’t decide, there’s also the complete film box set as well. Whatever your preference, Star Trek DVDs or Blu-Rays are a great gift for Star Trek fans, young and old alike.

If you’re looking for the perfect gift for kids of all ages, there are a number of cool toys and games available this holiday season. Starship models, ornaments, a plush light up Enterprise, fluffy interactive tribbles, TOS and TNG Pez dispensers, an inflatable Captain’s chair, action figures, Star Trek rockets, or Roddenberry’s Rod and Barry Plush Dolls are some of the toys available. But, if the Star Trek fan in your life is into card and board games, there are Star Trek and Klingon Monopoly games, and the Red Shirt Card game, and the Star Trek Deck Building Game: The Next Generation are also available this holiday season. If there are any Klingons on your Star Trek holiday shopping list, you can stuff their stockings with honor and a Bat’leth Letter Opener or the Hayes manual for the Klingon Bird-of-Prey.

Let your fandom show through with Star Trek insignia pins, jewelry, cuff links, neck ties, a wide range of t-shirts for men, women, and toddlers, socks, dresses, men’s and women’s cycling jerseys, Ladies Tees and hoodies, towels, bathrobes, and even a pair of tribble slippers can help you look your best this holiday season. Just don’t forget the festive Spock Holiday Hat complete with ears.

If you’re like most people that enjoy dressing up and donning a new uniform for the holiday season, Anovos and Roddenberry has a wide range of high quality tunics and uniforms to choose from and a complete selection of the accessories that will make your outfit just that much better. What uniform isn’t complete without a tricorder, phaser, medical scanner, and or combadge. Make sure you’re looking your best for when your holiday guests arrive.

As you’re waiting for them to arrive, you can listen to Star Trek: The Original Series Soundtrack Collection to help put you in the mood for the festivities. Check the time on your Star Trek wrist watch, and finish decking the halls with an authentic Horga’hn, Star Trek framed photos and art work, retro posters, plaques, Star Trek night lights, and even a luminglass that will give your place that nice warm Borg feel. When your guests arrive, they can announce their arrival with your Star Trek Electronic Door Chime as well.

Give your guests something to peruse while they wait for the holiday meal, with any number of the Star Trek novels, and books. However, the Star Trek coffee table books, The Star Trek Federation: The First 150 Years and Star Trek: The Next Generation 365 will keep them entertained and well informed as they wait to dig in to the scrumptious meal you’ve prepared.

To help prepare your Star Trek themed holiday feast, an enterprise pizza cutter, Spock oven mitt, enterprise bottle openers, Starfleet Academy Sporks, glass set, and the Enterprise and shuttle salt and pepper shakers can make your holiday memories live long and prosper. Then, when Santa Q makes his appearance, you can have cookies made with Star Trek cookie cutters straight from your Spock cookie jar, and a mug of “Tea, Earl Grey, Hot” in either a Klingon or Enterprise Mug, a six pack of Romulan Ale, or a Starfleet Hip flask filled with your favorite brand of synthohol waiting for him.

There is a lot of Star Trek goodies to be thankful for this year. Everything from toys and games, clothing and accessories, books, household gifts, and more are available. So, when  you are filling out your holiday shopping list, considering giving the gift of Trek to your friends and family and keep the Spirit of Trek alive and well throughout the year.

The time has come to wrap up this week’s column. Thank you for joining me on this journey to discover how the Spirit of Trek has started to permeate throughout our culture with the hope that one day, Gene Roddenberry’s vision for humanity’s future will become a reality. If you come across something that you believe embodies the Spirit of Trek on the Internet or within popular culture, please do not hesitate to share it with me. I may discuss it in a future article. Live long and prosper.

Soriedem@PriorityOnePodcast.com

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This article was reposted here with permission from Priority One. Be sure to support Priority One Podcast by visiting their site. Thank you.

What’s with all this love for bacon, yet not a peep for sausage? What the fuck? Pork sausage, turkey sausage, spicy, mild, hot sausage…so many things you can do with it. But bacon gets all the love? Why? WHY? Speaking of sausage, did you read Starlog, Fangoria and all the old magazines of the type back in the day? What are your memories of them? Did you wait for them every month like we did for comics?

Thanks Bacon Breath

Hmmm. I think our intrepid listener may well have a point. You just don’t hear the general, multipurpose love for sausage that bacon enjoys. Why is that? Who doesn’t love a thick, juicy sausage? Right, Nick? How many of you out there like smoking sausage? Do you smoke your own, or let someone else smoke yours for you?

Personally, I consider sausage as bacon’s closest rival when we speak about being the deliciously decadent girl next door so far as meat products are concerned. What’s even better is when they hook up, interlacing their tendrils of hot tasty goodness in order to satisfy the base desires of many a mortal meat consumer. Example? The popular Original Bacon Explosion, referenced right here on this very show for the second weekend in a row. Despite the name, those of us who’ve chanced to sample this delectably debauched dish know that it simply cannot work without the inclusion of Italian sausage. More than a meal, this is a Double-E ticket ride straight to Hell, but we don’t care because it tastes so damned good. BACON. SAUSAGE. LIVING TOGETHER. MASS ANGINA.

(We pause here for a moment so that Nick might collect himself, because we all know he didn’t get past “angina” without giggling, or at least thinking about giggling.)

(We good? Okay.)

ANGINA.

(All right, I’m done.)

Though I tend to prefer bacon as part of any delicious breakfast, I do use sausage in other cooking. I love mixing it in with the regular ground beef or turkey when making a pasta dish, for example, and I do like Italian sausage on my pizza. Still, I’ve tended to moderate its use lately, owing mostly to that one incident a few years ago when my gall bladder opted to bust one of those Alien chest-burster moves on me less than two hours after I had such a pizza. Yeah, that was fun, but I did learn that Demerol makes a good mixer with vodka, so it’s all good.

So, verdict? Bacon = Good. Sausage = Good. Bacon + Sausage = Sell Your Soul to Satan Good.

Now for the other half of this week’s rather bi-polar query: genre magazines of old. Oh, hell YES did I read these mags when I was a kid. Starlog and Fangoria, along with Famous Monsters and Fantastic Films? Long before the Internet, these were The Shit when I was a kid. It was magazines like this where most of us got our first tantalizing glimpses of movies coming soon to theaters near us. I remember buying issues just so that I could get one photo from the set of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Whole issues were devoted to the big movies of the day, like Alien, Superman, and The Empire Strikes Back.

Sadly, our online world hasn’t been too kind to many of these once great titles, but they still hold a particular place in my little fanboy heart. To be honest, it’s rare for me to buy a magazine of any sort these days, unless it’s something really special like Life’s tribute to Neil Armstrong, National Geographic’s 100^th observance of the Titanic sinking, or the annual Penthouse Pet of the Year Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As years passed, I eventually joined the crowd and started getting my movie and other genre info from the Internet. I think the last issue of Starlog I bought was the year Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow came out, because it included an insert which replicated an old-style pulp fiction magazine, complete with a Sky Captain short story. I actually bought an issue of Famous Monsters just this past summer at Comic-Con. The mag is still running in both print and online editions, and I bought a special tribute issue celebrating the Universal Studios Monsters. Creature from the Black Lagoon like a muthafukka, y’all!

A call seeking comment from the Creature regarding his preference for bacon or sausage was not returned. However, he did express interest in checking out that Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Get your own, you skeevy bastard.

Thanks, yo.

Mmmmmmmmm. Bacon.

Now, as any connoisseur of bacon knows, you really don’t need to eat it with anything else. Bacon is the perfect food, consumable all on its own without needing the support of other shit littering the plate. Should I count this as one of my five? You’re goddamned right I’m counting it. When I rule the universe, bacon will be its own food group, and the FDA will have minimal consumption guidelines.

So, four more meals, hmmm? Well, longtime listeners of the G&T Show undoubtedly remember my rather lengthy description of the preparation and possible effects of the Original Bacon Explosion. This meal is not for the faint of heart, and ideally should only be consumed by true professionals. Consider this your official warning. I’m not responsible for anything which might happen should you elect to tackle this meal without proper training.

There’s also the classic: bacon and eggs. My favorite way to cook bacon is over a campfire in a cast iron skillet, after which I use some of the grease to cook the eggs up just right. Add in some toast and grits, and I’m…if you’ll pardon the expression…a happy camper.

Bacon as an enhancement to another meal is also a favorite. I love a nice grilled steak wrapped with a couple of bacon strips. A skewer of shrimp wouldn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated, either.

But my favorite bacon-related meal is probably a variation on the BLT sandwich, as served by a local tavern here in Kansas City: the “RugB-LT.” Basically, it’s the classic BLT, but enhanced with melted cheese and a fried egg. Utter perfection, nestled between two slices of thick Texas Toast. If ever I find myself on Death Row, this will be my last meal.

Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way, it’s time to address the creepy part of the question. Favorite porn films? I tend to migrate toward the ones that show people fucking on camera. Yes, there are big-budget feature-length films aspiring to be something more than a collection of people fucking on camera. There are movies where the caliber of performers is elevated—several levels, in a lot of cases—from the fare to be found on webcam shows and other shoestring videos shot in somebody’s basement or backyard. Once you boil all that away, what’s left? Exactly: people fucking on camera. Actually, I’m happier when it’s just women and no dudes, because by and large dudes don’t know what the fuck they’re doing, or they look like total spastic dumbasses while doing it, and I don’t think they should be learning on the job when I’m trying to watch the girls. Get their hairy, pimply asses out of my line of sight, damn it.

What? I have to name titles? Does anybody even refer to a porn by its title anymore? Titles? Names of actors? Plots? Do people actually waste time pondering stuff like this? It’s like the Pezheads who try to defend their Playboy subscription because of the fiction by A-list authors and the in-depth interviews by some of the most fascinating people from all walks of life. That shit’s fine and all, but you know what? It gets in the way of all the pictures of naked women. And don’t even get me started on the pathetic losers who buy crap like FHM or Maxim, because it has “fashion and fitness tips” or advice on how best to tackle the dating scene, and never mind the scantily-clad but not actually naked women festooning various pages. Fuck you, pansies. If you’re gonna waste money on that shit, at least grow a sack and buy the real, unleaded, high-test skin rags.

Same thing with porn movies possessing so-called plots. Yeah, nowadays we have porn movies with pirates or vampires, murder mysteries or noir thrillers or Star Wars parodies, lavishly produced with actual sets and music and special effects, all conspiring to outclass the junior high-school play production values which so characterized the porn days of old. Guess what? Nobody cares about any of that, because they’re fast-forwarding to the parts where people are fucking on camera.

As for what I might look for in a porn film which could set it apart from the plethora of other such flicks littering the landscape? I think more movies should attempt a soliloquy delivered by the headlining actress mid-fellatio. You know, a deep introspective examination of the duality of man, or the thing ray line which is all that separates good from evil. Maybe they could pause before assuming the reverse cowgirl position and read an inspiring passage from The Count of Monte Cristo or, if you’re looking to stay somewhat on topic—Delta of Venus or The Story of O. Of course, if she opts for something from Starship Troopers, I won’t complain.

And what porn I might watch while eating bacon? Anything with Stormy Daniels, I suppose. She and I have an understanding with respect to my bacon fetish. I understand that I like bacon and Stormy Daniels, and I also understand that she has no fucking clue who I am. It’s an odd relationship, but it works for us.

So…anybody gonna eat that bacon?

Chariot the Movie

Creation Entertainment STLV 2013

Digital Humanities

STO Fix Demorecord Forum Thread

Thanks!

Wait…what? How does an internet radio show devoted to Star Trek end up talking about football? Am I secretly auditioning for SportsCenter or something?

Back at the start of this year’s NFL regular season, another listener made me jump through a bunch of hoops and make opening weekend predictions all the way to the damned Super Bowl. I made a point of clarifying back then that—like most football fans who watch this stuff for fun—I have fuck-all idea how things are going to go week to week. I can make guesses, some of which might even seem “educated” to the casual passerby, but between you and me? I don’t know shit about predicting the winners and losers when it comes to sports. Just gimme my beer and my Buffalo wings, and let me watch my Bucs in peace, all right?

However, since we’ve reached the more-or-less halfway point of the season (depending on how the bye weeks dorked up your team’s particular schedule), I guess now’s as good a time as any to revisit my earlier predictions and see how they’re holding up after eight or nine games. Cue the highlight reel!

NFC North

Week 1 prediction: Packers would win the division

What’s up: The Bears are in first place, one game ahead of the Packers. I also predicted that the Lions might give the Packers some trouble. Where are they? Bringing up the rear.

NFC South:

Week 1 prediction: Either Saints or Falcons (and I called “Saints” after flipping a coin)

What’s up: Falcons, big time! Holy shit, but Atlanta’s on fire at 8-0! As predicted, the Panthers are in the basement, while the Bucs and the Saints are squabbling amongst themselves for second place.

NFC East:

Week 1 prediction: Giants win the division

What’s up: Giants, yo! Everybody else is clawing for second place…three games back.

NFC West:

Week 1 prediction: 49ers win the division

What’s up: 49ers in the lead, one game ahead of Seattle. Pretty much a toss-up, at this point.

AFC North

Week 1 prediction: Steelers win the division

What’s up: Ravens on top, with Pittsburg one game back.

AFC South:

Week 1 prediction: Texans win the division

What’s up: Texans in the lead, but look at Indy! They remembered how to play!

AFC East:

Week 1 prediction: Patriots win the division

What’s up: Patriots on top, one game ahead of Miami. The fucking Dolphins? Really?

AFC West:

Week 1 prediction: Chargers win the division, though the Broncos would be competitive

What’s up: Broncos are competitive, with San Diego one game behind them, though the Chargers are looking like they’re on the verge of collapsing in on themselves and falling through their own asshole. Also, remember what I said about Kansas City? Yeah. Nothing good going on there.

So, there we are. Despite my missed calls so far as division winners, if the playoffs were held today, six of my eight original picks would be in, and those other two—on paper, anyway—are still in the hunt.

As for biggest surprises, the Bears are pretty impressive, and the Falcons are very quietly making a statement that they’re not to be screwed with. It looks like the Bucs, after a rough go early on, are starting to turn things around, and look at Miami? Where the hell did that come from? Elsewhere, the Chiefs are doing their level best to break Felix Baumgartner’s record for fastest freefall.

I guess we can revisit this in eight weeks or so when the regular season comes to an end and the playoff picture is fully developed. I expect that more of my original picks will be in the crapper by then.

So, can we please get back to talking about porn or bacon now? We at least need to find reasons to bring up leather bodysuits and ball gags, for Terry’s sake, right? If not, then I suppose a Star Trek topic will do.

Whatever.

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*Genuflecting before Your Daytonness*

Holy shit! Fifty of these things? What the fuck is wrong with me?

Anyway…….. “Daytonness?”

Don’t get me wrong. I mean, I love all that shit about grace, charm, and compassion, but “Daytonness?” Does anybody besides me think that makes me sound like I should be wearing a leather bodysuit and teaming up with Cobra to go after G.I. Joe? No? Just me? I’m all alone on this? Well…okay, then. Moving on.

Yep, it’s November all right, and with it comes National Novel Writing Month. What’s the deal? Long story short, you’re supposed to write at least 50,000 words, which could either be a short novel or a goodly chunk of a longer one. To put it in perspective, my novels tend to run in the 100-130 thousand word range, so a successful NaNoWriMo sprint could net me about half of a novel I might write as one of my regular paid gigs.

Why November? Good question. It’s right in the middle of gearing up for holiday season, with kids getting ready to be out of school for Thanksgiving and families and friends criss-crossing the country to sleep on shitty fold-out couches or inflatable mattresses. Meanwhile, someone with no life or job or other responsibilities decided November was the perfect month for everyone to forsake everything in the whole damned world, in order to take a stab at writing at least a significant portion of the Next Great American Novel.

What. The fuck. Ever.

Truth be told, NaNoWriMo and me? We don’t get along too well. I go my way, and she goes hers, and we leave each other the hell alone. I tried it. Once. I registered with the site, got my little word counter for my website, and told folks I was gonna do it. I was in the midst of a contracted novel project at the time, and I thought this might be a great way to knock out about half of the thing in one thirty-day swing.

I flamed out, in spectacular fashion. Not only did I not meet the 50,000-word goal, but I ended up being behind schedule so far as my actual deadline went. Way to go, Ward. My takeaway from the exercise was that I guess I just suck at self-imposed deadlines. Sure, I’ve written that much in a similar time-frame; once, I had to write something like 70,000 words in about a month, but that was to meet a horrendous deadline. I hated every word of that slugfest, but at least I got paid. I’m a whore, that way.

For those of you who’ve chosen to undertake this challenge, I think you’re fucking nuts, but I salute you, because this isn’t some feel-good, laid-back, half-assed sorta goal you’re chasing, here. Writing isn’t easy to begin with. Writing on a deadline ain’t no picnic, either, but writing such a goodly chunk of words in such a short amount of time, while juggling all that other life and job shit? Nothing to sneeze at, that’s for sure. As for whatever helpful advice I might be able to offer to brave souls such as yours, I’m going to stick to a few easy points which I think give the most bang for their buck:

Manage your pace. You’ve got so many words to write, and so many days to write ‘em. Don’t over-think this. Figure out a words-per-day rate, and shoot for that. Take this in chunks, rather than concentrating on the 50k mark. It’ll start adding up pretty quickly. 50,000 divided by 30 days is 1,667 words a day. Sounds like a lot, right?

Now, break that down farther. 250 words an hour is a figure I like to use, because that’s an old school measure for a page—give or take a dozen words or so—when you’re using Courier 12-pt font and double-spacing your manuscript. 250 words an hour isn’t a terribly stress-inducing pace, and doing that for seven hours gets you your daily quota and some extra padding, and you can do it in easy to manage chunks that you spread throughout the day. You know, one or two before work, one at lunch, one after work, and the rest in the evening. If you need or want to adjust that number up or down or how you spread it across the day, knock yourself out. The point is to find a pace that works for you on a consistent basis, but doesn’t stress you out while you’re trying to hit it.

Don’t kill yourself. Quit for the day if you hit your quota. If, on the other hand, you get froggy and write way beyond that, then give yourself a break the next day. If you miss a day, then work a bit harder over a few days to get back on pace, rather than trying to gain it all back in one chunk. Or, just recalculate a new per-day rate to absorb the words from the missed day. Again: Chunks. Pace. Consistency. Repeat.

Write now. Edit Later. Sound familiar? I offered this bit of advice for a previous “Ask Dayton” query, and it definitely applies here. Your goal is to keep pushing forward, every day, all the way to the finish line, and you can’t do that if you keep going back over the stuff you already wrote. We all have an inner editor, wanting us to revise that paragraph or page we just wrote, or who keeps telling us that chapter we just finished yesterday needs a rewrite. Ignore that skeevy bastard. This exercise isn’t about having a perfect, polished, ready to rock manuscript at the end of November. That’s what December is for. So, tell that inner editor to sit down and shut his suck hole. Better yet, strap a ball gag on that mother fucker and stick him in a closet until next month.

So, there you go. Keep it simple, keep it steady. Win the race. If you’re taking the NaNoWriMo plunge, be sure to update us on your progress. Good luck!

But I still think you’re fucking nuts.

TNG Season 2 Blu-Ray & Theater Announcement -

http://www.startrek.com/article/tng-season-2-blu-ray-theater-event-set-for-nov-29

National Novel Writing Month -

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Star Trek Video Game Gorn Pictures -

http://www.gamerevolution.com/screen/star-trek-2013/12

I do loves me the occasional horror flick, everything from B-movie creature features to stuff like Friday the 13^th or zombie movies. Stuff like The Thing, Alien, or Jaws also work, though none of those really get classified as “horror” films. I also like movies that turn the horror genre on its ear a bit, like The Return of the Living Dead, the first Scream, Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, Piranha or The Cabin in the Woods. And of course, I do dig The Walking Dead, both the comic and the TV show.

As for what scares me in real life? Well, if we’re talking about Halloween specifically, I suppose one thing that frightens me is the possibility of my daughters coming home with lame-assed candy. Listen up, you people handing out treats: Sweet Tarts suck. Candy corn sucks. Starburst sucks, especially if you’re only giving out one or two at a time. It’s about chocolate, you stingy pricks. Snickers. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Heath bars. Did I say Snickers? Yeah, and not those little bite-size things, either. Go big or stay the fuck out of the game, got it?

What else scares me? Very little, really. I mean, I suppose the same sorts of mundane, everyday things that might keep anybody else up at night. Losing my job and wondering how I’ll provide for my family, having my wife or one of my daughters or anyone else in my family injured or worse, that sort of thing. Do I think about getting in some kind of major car accident? I suppose I do that in a sense, as I’ve increased my awareness tenfold since the kids came along. I do worry that if some asshole plows into me while I’ve got the kids in the car, I won’t have time to kill his ass and bury his body before the cops show up.

And to be honest, I do have a few primitive fears that assert themselves on occasion. I loathe snakes, for example, and if I happen across one in the yard while I’m mowing or something? You will be able to see light bend as I run the other way. I’m not a big fan of heights, either, but in reality it’s more a fear of falling than the actual “being way the fuck up there” part. If I know I can’t fall, I’m cool, but otherwise? Yeah, I can get a bit squeamish. Actually, the more I think about it, the fall isn’t what bothers me so much as that sudden stop at the end.

Do I worry about other, less likely events such as people breaking into my house, or terrorists blowing up the airport while the TSA checkpoint dude is giving me a hand job and taking away my shaving cream? Not really. Do I spin elaborate scenarios in my head about the plane crashing, or when I’m about to take that first plunge on one of those roller coasters which are advertised with such catchy slogans as “The ShitYourPants-inator?” Nope.

Anything else? Well, I keep worrying that people are going to continue to employ Uwe Boll and Rob Zombie to make movies. And while we’re on the subject of keeping hacks at work, I do wonder how much longer I can skate by before someone at Pocket Books wakes up and asks the fateful question, “Why is Dayton Ward receiving anything from us that’s not a damned restraining order?” I’m also haunted by the thought that someone, somewhere, someday, will decide that a remake of The Great Escape is necessary, and that it can only work if it stars one of those dickbags from the Twilight movies in Steve McQueen’s role. FUCK. THAT.

But if you want to know what really frightens me? What is the one single thing that keeps me lying awake at night in a cold sweat, with the taut hand of fear clutching my very heart in its unyielding grasp? That one day in the future—not the near future but not so far off as I’d like to believe–I’ll be sitting on the can at the retirement village after having been assisted there by my full-time care provider (who, I should add, looks like a Russian beet farmer, rather than the Victoria’s Secret model I think I’m fucking entitled to at this stage of life). I’ll be trying to pass the cement block that’s lodged itself in my lower intestine because I’m still not getting enough fucking bran in my fucking diet, and the little ping from my computer lets me know I’ve got e-Mail. Leaning forward as far as I can without face-planting on my bathroom floor, I’ll just be able to make out the subject line of the newly received message:

“G&T Show: Ask Dayton #4,738.”

https://twitter.com/Gettysburg7/status/259908823555399681/photo/1/large

http://www.newsdaily.com/photos/2012-10-19T205917Z_2_CBRE89I1K9B00_RTROPTP_3_STARTREK-BRITAIN-CONVENTION.JPG

http://gatewaytest.startrekonline.com/#/login

https://twitter.com/i/#!/alimac30/media/slideshow?url=http%3A%2F%2Fyfrog.com%2Foccn0jij

And Dayton, passing up another opportunity to best Getty once more, having the Captain Kirk woo the blue haired babe of the week while Ensign Minecci III takes yet another arrow to the knee? For shame, sir, for shame!

Anyone who’s been watching Star Trek for any decent length of time knows that it’s made a habit of commenting on various social and political issues. That’s one of the things Gene Roddenberry hoped to do from very early on. Yes, it’s true that Star Trek hasn’t always been subtle, or even effective, in conveying whatever message a particular episode tried to take on, but I still give it points for trying. Can Star Trek still do that? Oh, hell yes, particularly when considering that many of the issues the various series have tried to address over the decades are still with us. You know, the classics: Racism, sexism, civil liberties, self-determination and the power of the state over the individual, just to name a few.

When you decide your story, whether it’s a Star Trek tale or something else entirely, is going to take on something like that, you have to figure that you might just raise some hackles somewhere along the way.

My response to that, usually, is: So fucking what?

Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s only natural to want to write the sort of stuff other people want to read, but it’s not your job to make them “happy.” Besides, if you’re doing your job right, and someone’s happy, then somebody else likely will be angry with you. It’s impossible to ever make everyone happy, so are you going to worry about pleasing one group at the expense of the others? Which one? For how long? What will have to happen to make you decide it’s time to start ego-stroking another group? You can’t win. So, you don’t worry about suppressing your opinions, and if you’re looking to say something, then you figure out how to make it an organic part of the narrative, rather than “overriding or contradicting the central theme.”

You write for you, and that means writing what you want to write, the way you want to write it. It’s your job to entice everybody else to read what you’ve written, whether it makes them happy, sad, scared, aroused, or just flat honked off. Maybe you’re lucky and you can do all of that at the same time. I’ve had people tell me a book of mine was an escape from a shitty day, or a nice way to wind down after spending time on a convoy avoiding IEDs in Afghanistan. At the same time, I’ve had people tell me my writing is an affront to the written word. Do you know I’ve been called a right-wing whack-job and a liberal commie bed-wetter from different people talking about the same book? How that even happens, I don’t know, but I must be doing something right, if I managed to irritate people across such a broad political spectrum.

If you piss off somebody, then so be it. Some people may be a tad unhappy with you, while others will be flat pissed off at you. Shit happens. They’ll get over it. Or, maybe they won’t. Perhaps they’ll even write a terse e-Mail full of SENTENCES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS explaining how they’re vowing to NEVER READ ANOTHER WORD YOU WRITE SO LONG AS EITHER OF YOU CONTINUE TO DRAW BREATH.

Then they’ll do it again some time down the road when they read something else of yours. Welcome to the writer’s life.

As for shout-outs, what are you looking for? While others might not be swayed by the promise of a burlesque dance or two, I’ll state for the record here that I’m a dude who harbors no such problems on that point. Dance away. Got pics? Pics, or it didn’t happen.

And regarding that last bit with Ensign Nick suffering yet another in a long series of bad days, what can I say? Some days you’re the captain, and some days you’re the red shirt stepping on the exploding rock.

Sucks to be the red shirt, yo.

LLAP

Nah. I’m not going to do that.

For one thing, boiling down my enjoyment of Star Trek into this episode or that moment from an episode is too much damned work. I have too many favorite episodes, scenes, characters, and lines of dialogue to ever be able to condense it down for a list which would take Nick something less than two hours to read. Besides, he can’t even get through one of my normal-length answers without getting distracted by some shiny thing bouncing through the studio.

Also, making up such lists just really isn’t my thing. Now, if you’d asked me my least favorite episodes or films and why, I at least could’ve had fun with that, because I’d be able to use all sorts of bad language, and I’d probably throw in a couple of red herring selections just to piss off people and ignite a fanboy war or two. Why? Because that’s the kind of thing I like to do on a Sunday morning while the football pre-game shows are on.

However, rather than dismiss this question of out hand—because that would be a dick move—I’m going to take it and give it a twist. I’m going to offer up a fond memory or two that ties into the various series or films. No, I didn’t propose to my wife while watching “Amok Time,” and neither did I quote Worf from “Disaster” when she was in the delivery room. You know, “Congratulations. You have fully dilated to ten centimeters. You may now give birth.” Pro tip for expectant fathers with a Trek fetish: This sort of thing is liable to get your balls crushed into a fine powder and sprinkled on the dog’s dinner, all right? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So, what do I mean? Here’s an example: for a long while, the original series (along with the animateds) was the only Star Trek to be had when I was a kid in the 70s. I used to watch the reruns on a little black and white TV. I had to move the antenna to get the channel to come in, and sometimes the signal was so bad that I’d have to decide between picture and sound, but somehow I made do. I used to “play” Star Trek outside with my friends, the way you played “Cowboys & Indians” or whatever. You know that big-assed ball at the center of the playground with all the windows and slides and ladders leading in and out of it? That was our Starship Enterprise. And we played with the toys, and built the models, and tried to shoot each other with those semi-sorta phaser-ish looking plastic guns which fired those little colored disks, and I still remember how excited I was to find my first Star Trek book at the library. Back then, Star Trek was fun.

I also remember how jazzed I was when my father, of all people, brought me a poster for the first Star Trek movie that he’d picked up at a trade show. It was months before the film came out, and I waited and waited for the day it opened in theaters. There was this monstrous display in the theater lobby, with the new Enterprise and the characters in their new uniforms, and I remember getting goose bumps the first time I saw the ship on that giant movie screen.

(Of course, the rest of the flick ended up boring the shit out of twelve-year old me, but I eventually learned to appreciate the thing.)

Squirrel: I also got a little chill the first time I went to the National Air and Space Museum and saw the original Enterprise filming model hanging from the ceiling. I still have the pictures I took of it in 1986 with one of those shitty little Instamatic cameras.

I remember the fun we had as a group of us sat in our barracks rec room and watched the premiere of Star Trek: The Next Generation. We had a good time that night, though in hindsight it was probably due more to the beer than the episode itself.

I remember smiling upon finding the soundtrack to Star Trek V at a music store on Okinawa, complete with liner notes written in Japanese. I still have that CD.

Another rec room, a different group of Marines, but we watched the fourth-season premiere of TNG, wondering if Captain Picard was going to be rescued from the Borg. No beer needed to enjoy that episode!

September 1991: The “Sit Long and Prosper” Star Trek movie marathon, which back then meant the first five movies. The sound went out at the start of Star Trek V, so we the audience started supplying our own dialogue. As Sybok rides up to that weird bald dude in the desert on Nimbus III, I called out, “Excuse me, but are those Bugle Boys you’re wearing?” I got nice applause for that one.

Remember the closing credits to Star Trek VI, with the Enterprise flying away and the cast signing their names? That’s when I knew that my Star Trek, the one which had been with me as far back as I could remember, was finally coming to an end.

After watching DS9’s “The Visitor,” I called my dad, just to say, “Hi.”

When the original Enterprise appeared on the Defiant’s viewscreen in DS9’s “Trials and Tribble-ations,” I grinned like a geeky fanboy, and didn’t stop grinning until the episode was over. Then, I rewound the tape and watched it again.

Another squirrel: I remember having an absolute ball the first time I went on the ride at Star Trek: The Experience, and wanting to know where the hell this kind of cool shit had been when I was a kid? I wish it had stuck around long enough for my girls to see it for themselves.

Christmas Day, 1999: Cheering and clapping at the premiere of the greatest Star Trek movie ever made, Galaxy Quest.

As the final scene of Star Trek: Voyager faded out, I remember being so pissed. “Seven years, and that’s how they end it? FUCK YOU, VOYAGER!”

Later that same year, getting excited to see Enterprise’s premiere. Who didn’t want to know how the whole Star Trek saga began? I wanted Enterprise to succeed, and I remember so badly wanting to love it. I didn’t really begin to dig it until its third season, and the two-part “In A Mirror, Darkly” with the old Defiant and all the TOS goodies just tickled my fanboy heart. I’ve had reason to revisit the series recently, and I’m finding I like it more now than I did during its original broadcast.

As for the “reboot” Star Trek film, say what you want, but I enjoyed the shit out of it. I also remember the packed theater on the Saturday before its formal premiere, and the energy infusing that place as Kevin conducted a trivia contest before the movie started, and we gave away books and other stuff brought in just for the occasion. Star Trek was cool again!

Final squirrel: After being an admirer of his work for decades—I’m talking about going back to the Star Trek Poster Books from the 1970s—earlier this year I finally got to meet and shake the hand of Doug Drexler. We’d exchanged e-Mails over the years, and we’ve both figured we’re some sort of long-lost, separated at birth by a decade or so twins or something, due to our mutual love for the original series. That fate also has seen to it that this man eventually would create cover art for some of my Star Trek novels is just icing on the cake.

So, that’s how I like to think of Star Trek: not just listing out favorite episodes, but instead remembering how much fun it’s brought me in so many different ways. It’s good to be a Trekkie, isn’t it?

Congratulations to 2 Captains, 1 Runabout sent in by Sampoe for their well produced and hilarious entry: The Kobayashi Maru Cruise Liner Commercial. All of our participants in the contest had amazing and quite varied entries that would like to mention with the highest of honors. Please give them a listen below.

All Things Trek – Crisis

Gates of Sto’vo’kor – Kobayashi Maru Prank

House of L’Stok – Father’s Day

Congratulations to all of our entrants, you’ve made this decision very difficult for all of us.

Ensign Helna

Also, during the episode, links were mentioned. Here they are:

Follow @DetrickUSAG on Twitter

Like http://www.facebook.com/DetrickUSAG on Facebook

Slash Fiction Sites:

http://www.ralst.com/storiesSTE.html

http://www.thedelphicexpanse.com/archive/

http://wwwpassionandperfection.com

And for next week: Outlining

It’s not that I’m close minded, you know; it’s actually about satisfaction. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been approached by a Vulcan who wanted to engage in a relationship (ok fine, a roll in the pon farr pit), and the only thing I could think to say is, “All right, but where’s the other three?” I have needs, after all.

And of course their culture is so different: you don’t realize how hypocritical they are with their whole “infinite diversity in infinite combinations” bull until you suggest “Hey, lets try out some combinations! You don’t mind sharing, do you?” and all of a sudden you’re no longer on speaking terms!

This new guy is very needy too. He’s always wearing his heart on his sleeve, complaining about texts and tweets … listen, I’m fine with being in an emotional relationship but I can’t be on call 24/7. I have duties to do! Planetary systems to chart! Do you know the amount of times I’m interrupted on the bridge by him chirping my comm badge looking for emotional support? He’s not a bad guy but I can’t take this forever! I need breathing room!

Anyway, any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Spirits be with you!

-Helnayana (Ensign Helna)

Dump his ass.

What, you wanted something more nuanced? Look, it’s Sunday, football’s coming in a little while, and I’ve got steaks marinating. I don’t have time for this sort of namby-pamby, “Help me, Dr. Phil Kenobi, you’re my only hope!” confab bullshit, and neither do you. While you’re sitting at your console on the bridge weeping and wailing over what to do with this Pezhead, your starship is liable to plow itself into a planet, or get eaten by a giant single-celled alien with a raging case of intergalactic munchies. Priorities, Ensign!

Dump his ass. Do it now.

From this letter, you seem like you’re pretty smart and sure of yourself, so why would you bother wasting time and energy on some emo loser who sounds like he’s treading the oh-so very thin line between adoration and stalking? What do you want to bet he’s told the ship’s computer to track your comm badge, so he knows where you are every second of every day?

Yeah, there’s a little something creepy to think about when you’re trying to go to sleep tonight, right? Well, hold on…I can do better.

What do you want to bet he’s crafted a customized holodeck program with you as the star, and your computer-generated doppelganger does all the really freaky shit even you won’t do, and after all that updating of the captain’s log, your holographic twin makes him a damned sammich?

Yeah, dump his ass.

Do you really want to be worried about this guy if you’re ever both on the same away team? He’s going to be gushing all over you, and whining to the captain to let him go with you when you head off to explore the area. You won’t be watching what you’re doing when you’re walking around and he’s blubbering in your ear about how you never pay him enough attention, and the next thing you know, you’re the one stepping on the exploding rock, or getting a spear in your back from one of the local inhabitants, and why? Because while lover boy was professing his undying devotion to you, he didn’t see the readings on his tricorder warning you both that you were about to wander through some kind of holy burial site or alien minefield or whatever.

Imagine how fucking lame that bio will read in those little pamphlets they’d be handing out at your funeral.

Dump. His. Ass.

Life’s too short, and the galaxy too filled with interesting potential companions, at least a few of whom won’t go all Sleeping With the Enemy on you because you want some space, or the freedom to take a vacay with your gal pals every once in a while. So, go. Tell this guy to take a long walk out a short shuttle bay, and go to Risa for the weekend. Get your dilithium crystals re-aligned in your articulation frame, if you know what I mean. Just promise me you’ll do me one solid before you go.

Dump his ass.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got steaks to which I must attend before kick off.

Have I brown-nosed enough yet? I hope so!

Thanks Dayton!

Wow. It’s amazing how someone can be so incredibly ingratiating and yet betray themselves as something less than a true, totally devoted follower of the Ways of Dayton™ as presented right here every week on the G&T Show.

Tsk, tsk.

Was it really so long ago that a loyal listener proclaimed me “The Most Awesome Man in the World,” a distinction with which I take absolutely no issue? I guess so. With that, I also figure you must have missed how I elaborated for that faithful audience member all the ways in which I am and remain The Most Awesome Man In the World and Indeed the Universe, all while offering a bit of insight into the burden I endure by being so Awesome. See what happens when you don’t pay attention?

So, now that we’ve reiterated that I am, by golly, The Most Awesome Man In the World and Indeed the Universe, the idea that I might be contained within a single parcel of land, no matter how expansive or opulent in its appointments, seems rather silly, does it not? Of course it does, but for the sake of argument, I’ll meet you part of the way. Rather than “being an entire nation,” let’s instead postulate that I assume corporeal form long enough to make a happenin’ real estate acquisition. I guess I’d take over one of those nice juicy islands in the South Pacific, with lush forests, beautiful blue water, fine white sandy beaches, favorable weather year-round, and tasty rum drinks brought to me by tanned, nekkid waitresses who also can keep me up to date on all the scores.

“Yes. Yes! This is a fertile land and we will thrive! We will rule over all this land, and we will call it….this land Daytonis!”

(Note: Pronunciation Guide for Nick – “Day – TONE – iss.”)

And what would an empire as grand and powerful as Daytonis be like? Well, think of the Roman Empire in its heyday: rich architecture, unrivaled engineering, unwavering devotion to the arts, widespread prosperity, lots of nubile women with loose morals and ample free time, and gladiatorial games for public amusement, featuring as combatants all the people who piss me off. Trust me, it’s a long list. We won’t be bored.

Now, do away with all the slavery. Add equal rights for all, along with electricity, indoor plumbing, and WiFi. Also, two-for-one pitcher nights during football season.

Life would be pretty decent for anyone fortunate enough to call Daytonis home. There would be equal opportunity to achieve success, along with compassion and common sense leadership from a government answerable to none but the people who elect it. Corporations would not be people, my friend. I would create an army of robots to handle law enforcement, and they’d all look like the lady cyborg from Terminator 3, while carrying their own hand-cannons concealed in their upper legs, Robocop-style.

And since you specifically asked after them, what of Terry and Nick? Well, Terry would be my most-trusted counsel, sort of like Miss Teschmacher from the first two Superman movies, but not nearly so vapid or useless. Indeed, as the job of being Awesome All the Time just takes so much out of me, I will leave the responsibilities of running Daytonis in Miss Terry’s oh-so capable hands. Can she handle such arduous duties? Of course she can. Anybody who listens to this show knows how it drives right into the ditch whenever she’s not around. Compared to keeping the G&T Show on track, running Daytonis would be a cakewalk.

That said, there’s no way we’re ditching Valerie Perrine’s wardrobe from those Superman flicks. Why? Two words: SPECTACULAR. RACK.

:: Ahem. ::

As for Nick? He’d be another trusted aide, of course. I need someone to run security, for one thing, as well as make the music selections. No, he would not be Otis to my Lex Luthor. I mean, let’s be real: we all know Otis doesn’t have the legs to make a skant work. I’d probably have to keep Nick on a pretty tight leash, though, lest he use the newfound power and resources I’d give him to go and open a high-end strip club at the edge of town. I’m not against such things, you understand, but there’s a certain standard and aesthetic I’d expect to be observed, particularly along that stretch of ocean front property where I’d be building all those swank resorts. You know, Costa Del Dayton, Wardville, Marina del Dayton…Nicksburg?

Yeah, that wouldn’t work.

Yes, Nick, I know Miss Terry would have her own place, but…Nicksburg? Yeah, get that off of there.

So, welcome to Daytonis. Don’t drink my booze. Keep it clean, and keep it Awesome.

The following links are some that were shared during the show. Feel free to take a look.

http://www.startrek.com/article/bye-bye-robot-releases-eight-new-prints

http://www.davidmack.pro/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/coldequations.jpg

http://hollylisle.com/ten-steps-to-finding-your-writing-voice/

Show Notes will follow soon.

Well, it’s like this: I’d set it on the Enterprise-D, with the ship completely evacuated while it’s docked at a starbase, and I’d even power the whole thing down. Then, I’d send Picard back to pick up something he’d forgotten, and find out that a group of bad guys had snuck aboard his ship and were trying to steal shit. Then, I’d have Picard go all Willis on the bad guys.

And, I’d call the whole thing “Starship Mine.”

Wait. They already did that on an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation?

FUCK.

Ah, Die Hard. Endlessly imitated and never surpassed—even by its own sequels—the original Die Hard remains one of the best and most-influential action movies of all time. The basic blueprint of “a lone hero in the wrong place at the wrong time when all hell breaks loose” is practically its own genre these days, and largely thanks to this flick. It still ranks as one of my all-time favorite movies, and also holds the distinction of being my very favorite Christmas film.

Shut up. Hell yes, it counts.

Anyway, most people don’t even know that Die Hard was based on a 1970s novel, Nothing Lasts Forever by Roderick Thorp, and that at one point a version of the script which eventually became this movie was almost a sequel to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s cinematic masterpiece, Commando.

You heard me: cinematic masterpiece. That’s right, I said it.

As for a Star Trek take on Die Hard, we already have the aforementioned “Starship Mine” which comes closest to the formula, but we can probably name a whole bunch of other episodes from the various series that take at least some inspiration from the movie. Were I to consider my own version of such a story, I’d likely take a page from one of its numerous imitators, and craft a tale in the vein of the best Steven Seagal film, Under Siege.

(Yes, I know saying something like “the best Steven Seagal film” is a lot like discussing “the least-annoying bitchy mom on Toddlers & Tiaras,” but work with me, here.)

So, how would it go? Just for grins, we set it at the end of the original Enterprise’s five-year mission. The ship has returned to Earth and is sitting in spacedock. Most of the crew is gone on shore leave before returning to work on the early stages of preparing the ship for refit, or heading off to other assignments. A skeleton crew is aboard, and for reasons as yet unknown a group of bad guys gets aboard. Maybe they want some of the important stuff on the ship, like the photon torpedoes or phaser banks, or some other piece of classified or restricted Starfleet technology, like the antimatter from the warp engines. Imagine a rogue group of nutballs setting off an antimatter bomb in a major city or taking out a colony on some remote planet. Can you say “Day so totally fucking ruined?”

(Note: Check out the old Star Trek novel Crisis on Centaurus by Brad Ferguson for a plot similar to that last bit.)

Or, maybe they want the whole ship, either for their own long-term use or even just to crash it into a starbase or some other fiendish thing. Pretty scary, when you think about it.

Anyway, Kirk’s aboard for some reason. Maybe he’s just been promoted and he’s doing an inspection before the refit, and is caught on board when the bad guys strike. Maybe he’s conducting a tour for his new boss, Admiral Nogura, and the two of them are trapped and forced to team up and deal with the situation. But, you know what happens when you cross James T. Mother-Fuckin’ Kirk, right? Yep, it’s serious outwit and out-double fist punch time for the would-be scoundrels.

Hey, that could almost work, but I don’t think it’s a whole novel by itself. We’d need some subplots for the other characters, for sure. You know, plausible reasons as for why they’re not around…at least, not at the start. Kidnapped by bad guys and forced to help them? Could be. Maybe a couple of them could be helping to resolve the crisis from some other location, like Scotty as our guy on the ground. Nobody knows that ship as well as he does, so he could be talking Kirk through a situation when it comes time to jury-rig some crazy engineering voodoo magic. “Fuckin’ voo-doo magic, mahhhhn!”

We’d also need a really good lead bad guy; not these pansies who’ve been the villains in the last couple of Trek flicks. Fuck it. I’m just going to write him as though Alan Rickman were playing him on screen. And we need at least one douche nozzle authority figure to gum up the process while everybody else is getting on with being the hero or the bad guys. Maybe Captain Styles from Star Trek III, or Ambassador Fox from the original series episode “A Taste of Armageddon.”

And maybe one of the bad guy’s crew is a green alien chick. You know, just because. I think Kirk would dig that, don’t you? For those quiet character moments and totally gratuitous shower scenes before she goes to do evil shit, right?

So, what do we call this ridiculous slice of schlocky pulp-fiction cheesy goodness? Easy.

To Boldly Go and Die Hard: Yippee-ki-yay-ing where no mother fucker has yippee-ki-yayed before.

Welcome to the party, pals.

I was just wondering: what are your feelings on the Timecop-style organizations we see in Voyager and Enterprise? You know, the Captain Braxton/Crewman Daniels guys? Some people think that they add a valuable dose of interesting sci-fi to the franchise while others (namely me) tend to think of them as poorly thought out continuity errors that make no sense. Where on the scale do you fall?

Leave it to Voyager and Enterprise to create a reset button for a whole other fucking dimension.

Okay, okay. Don’t get me wrong, I love time travel stories. Some of my favorite Star Trek episodes, books, and comics involve time travel, and yeah, the idea of the 29^th Century “time ships” with crews dedicated to safeguarding the timeline sounds pretty cool, right? Unfortunately, once you look past that and start digging a little bit, you realize there’s something wrong from the get-go with the whole concept.

I mean, let’s look at it for a minute: If there’s this group of “time hall monitors” like Captain Braxton and his crew from the Relativity running around out there, five or six hundred years in the future from the folks we know and supposedly keeping their eye on things that might go wrong when somebody starts dicking with the timeline, you have to ask yourself: Where the hell are these dudes whenever everything goes to shit?

McCoy runs through the Guardian of Forever and mucks up Earth in the early 20^th century? The time cops are no shows. The Enterprise is thrown back and identified as a UFO? Nope. The Borg fly back to 21^st century Montana to start some shit? Nada. It’s like these guys were on vacation. Or, maybe they were just resting up, knowing all the crap they’d have to deal with once Captain Janeway and her gang really started ass-hammering the time line. Of course, they could’ve just been exhausted from having to deal with Archer and all that Temporal Cold War bullshit. You think they’d want to show up any time Kirk even thinks about going back in time, if for no other reason than it might give them the chance to bang some really hot 20^th century porn stars.

Of course, you can make the argument that the reason the time cops never showed up for those events is because they hadn’t yet been invented by the writing staff. That’s when I’d thank you for making my point. This is the problem with introducing something like people in the future able to “scan time” and fix whatever gets fucked up: When they don’t show up to do exactly that, do we blame them for sleeping on the job, or the writers for not playing by the very rules they established? Tough call, huh? Based on the setup, these “timey-wimey dudes” have always been “out there” in the far off future, watching our heroes do their thing, but never showing up to fix any temporal shenanigans. So, where the hell were they? But they weren’t invented yet! And thank you for making my point yet again. That’s the problem with introducing….

Wait….

HOLY SHIT! DID YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED? IT’S A TEMPORAL CAUSALITY LOOP!

Man, but I hate when that happens.

To be fair, this isn’t the first time Star Trek has presented something that’s inherently problematic. Remember that Organian Peace Treaty? The one intended to keep the Federation and Klingons from fighting? What happened the next time the Klingons and the Feds ran into each other? Right. They fought. Where were the Organians? Off banging 20^th century porn stars, maybe? Instead, we got some double-talk about how the Organians had laid down some rules so that the Federation and Klingons could get along, or compete for planets, or whatever. That lasted precisely as long as it took for the Klingons and Federation to cross paths again, after which everything went to hell just like you’d expect. After a while, Star Trek just gave up even bothering with that crap.

How about the Borg? The ultimate unstoppable foe, right? They don’t negotiate, they don’t get tired, they don’t give up, they just keep coming after you, adapting to whatever weapons or defenses you throw at them. And yet…our gang keeps knocking them on their ass, over and over. It happened so often that what once was the most menacing of adversaries was all but reduced to the Delta Quadrant equivalent of that one scrawny drunk idiot at every rock concert who mouths off to the jock while saying lewd shit to the guy’s girlfriend, which ends up with the moron getting his taint stomped into next month.

And how about that whole transwarp beaming thing from the newest movie? Yeah, that doesn’t render the whole concept of spaceships pretty much irrelevant, right? Anybody want to take bets on how we won’t be seeing that in the next flick? At all?

And the less we talk about that whole “Temporal Cold War” business, the better, unless we want to take bets on the true identity of “Future Guy.” Personally, I think it’s Rufus:

So, you know…be excellent to each other, and shit.

G & T Show’s Kobayashi Maru Audio Drama Contest is officially over. The winner will be announced soon. The Holo-Leeta Doff Contest is under way, so share your Leeta short stories for a chance to win. Share your STO Character Bios with us. We’d love to read them.

Show notes will be posted later in the week by Lanny. In the meantime, here are a few links that were mentioned on the show.

Nick’s Blog – Bitter Trolley

Mike’s Character Bio for K’tress on the G & T Show Forums

Also, why does Tebow take so much heat? It can’t be just because of his faith…after all Reggie white was a frakking minister (of defense) and was not ripped like Tebow! I am not a fan of his, but there’s a lot worse role models people could have, so why the hate? Is it because of all the press? If anyone knows it’s you….YOU’RE DAYTON!

*Tebowing before Dayton*

Wait, what? Did G&T get turned into ESPN Radio, or something?

One week from today, 32 teams once again will take to the gridiron, waging battle against one another in a bid to emerge as the Ultimate Champion. Who will be victorious? How the hell should I know? My Magic-8 Ball can’t even tell me if I’m gonna get lucky with the old lady (“Reply hazy. Ask again later.”), much less give me any insight into something as important as this! Besides, anybody remember last year? The Bucs imploding after finishing so strong during the previous season? What about the Colts? Peyton Manning goes down, and the whole fucking team forgets how to play. And what about those 49ers? Holy shit, I think Jim Harbaugh just might have some game.

So, with the caveat that I really have no special knowledge or expertise so far as this sort of thing goes, here’s who I think will be the big NFL kahunas this season:

NFC North: Everybody but the Vikings will be in the hunt this year, but I say Packers. That said…keep your eye on the Lions, those sneaky bastards.

NFC South: This division is always a fucking toss-up. Typically (as in, whenever the Bucs aren’t blowing it out their ass), New Orleans, Atlanta, and Tampa Bay all dance around each other week after week, knotting up the standings and making it hell to predict what might happen next. Even Carolina manages to keep everybody honest whenever they mix it up. I think the Bucs will improve over the absolute train wreck that was last season, but it’s still going to be a scrappy, no-holds barred fight for the title between the Saints and the Falcons. A coin flip tells me to say “Saints.”

NFC East: Giants again? Probably.

NFC West: Frisco owned this division last season. I don’t expect that to change.

AFC North: Tough call between Baltimore and Pittsburgh, but give it to the Steelers.

AFC South: Colts aren’t going anywhere. Titans aren’t going anywhere. Jaguars aren’t going anywhere. Texans again.

AFC East: This division is basically New England and some other guys. Patriots again, though the Jets may just make life interesting for them.

AFC West: Everybody thinks the Broncos are destined for greatness this year, with the addition of Peyton Manning at quarterback. I don’t quite see it, though I expect they’ll be competitive. The Chargers? Could be. Chiefs? Nothing I’m seeing so far screams “Division Winner.” Just to be a dick, I’m going with the Chargers.

Beyond that? I don’t have the first damned clue. For the NFC, could come down to the Packers and the Giants, so I’ll go with that, and say Packers for the conference title.

AFC? Patriots vs Steelers, and I’ll go against the grain and say Pittsburgh.

Super Bowl: Packers vs Steelers? Sounds pretty good on September 2^nd. Fuck it. Packers.

(NOTE: For those who missed the disclaimer at the beginning of all this, I really have no idea what’s going to happen. Well, except that the Redskins will suck donkey balls.)

Now this business with Tebow: I’m not the religious sort, but I think Tebow takes a lot of unfair shit. Yes, he wears his faith on his sleeve like a club patch, and yes he kneels and offers a few words of silent thanks to God every so often during a game, but I really, honestly, don’t give the first rat’s ass. For one thing, I’m of the firm belief that if God does exist, then he certainly doesn’t give a fuck about football. Or, if he does, then he only cares about Lingerie Football. More likely, he knows the real action’s over at women’s beach volleyball.

But, that’s a topic for another day.

Do I agree with everything the guy stands for? No, of course not. Like I said, I’m not religious, but I don’t begrudge him or anyone else their faith. Here’s the thing: A lot of people like to tell us how spiritual they are, or that they’re Christians, or even “good Christians,” as though the heathens need to be reminded that there’s a distinction and that they’re on the right side of that line. But, how many of these folks really walk the walk?

Here’s something you might not know: After joining the Denver Broncos, Tebow donated most of his $2.5 million signing bonus to charity. The Tim Tebow Foundation he created raised $4 million in its first year, and he and it work with other organizations to help children suffering from life-threatening illnesses around the world—everything from “Make a Wish” groups to orphanages to building children’s facilities in hospitals to building an entire hospital in the Philippines (where he was born). Say what you will about his personal beliefs, at the end of the day and as far as I can tell, THIS IS A GOOD GUY. We need more Tim Tebows and fewer assholes who beat hookers or their wives and girlfriends, or who organize dog fights or who make careers out of failing drug tests.

So, what say we cut the guy some slack?