Ask Dayton #11 – Dayton. Accept No Substitutes
Question: Dear Dayton: Hearing your interviews on various podcasts (and none better than on the G and T Show!) it is clear you are the Most Awesome Man in the World! Can you tell us what it’s like to live in your skin, to actually BE Dayton?
Answer: What’s it like being me? Wow. Where to start? “The Most Awesome Man in the World?” That seems kind of restrictive, don’t you think?
I mean, I guess I could try to impress you with stories about the money, hookers, drugs, and rock-n-roll parties which are part and parcel of every writer’s life. That’s right, my friends: In between best-sellers, it’s all about the Benjamins, the Blow, and the Babes. Boo-yah.
I could regale you with tales of monumental book deals where I dip my first advance check into a glass of 100-year old scotch before setting it aflame and using it to light my celebratory cigar.
I could astonish you with mind-blowing anecdotes about flirtatious vixens at convention after book release party after convention, each of them fighting the others in the vain hope of conceiving my next illegitimate child, all while I sign my autograph above that trampy tattoo at the small of her back.
What’s it like to be me? It’s a goddamned burden, that’s what it is. I mean, walking around with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men is fine and all, and you’d think I’d have the run of the entire universe. Well, you’re right, I do. There Can Be Only One, and that mother fucker is me.
That guy from the Dos Equis beer ads? He calls me at all hours of the day or night, asking for my advice on how to pick up chicks. The problem is that he always gets into trouble when he fails to heed my sage counsel. Now you know why those commercials are always so badly edited.
Chuck Norris? My bitch. Half of those facts on his website are leftover shit that wasn’t good enough to make my list, so I let him have them because he wanted to revive his career. You see how that worked out, right? There you go. Poseur.
Same with Jack Bauer. You want to know something? I ask him who he works for, and that dickbag tells me. EVERY TIME.
So, let this be a lesson to you: Dayton. Accept no substitutes.
But, wait. There’s more.
He is the co-owner of Busy Little Beaver Productions and is the producer and co-host for G & T Show and Gates of Sto’vo’kor. He’s directed voice actors, and produced and edited audio podcasts and dramas because he doesn’t have the face for video. He plays well with others and is always on the look out for the next project, the next thing, the next next. If he wasn’t working on something with a half dozen other projects waiting in the wings, somebody please check to make sure he’s still breathing.
During the day, he’s a mild-mannered computer repair man who dabbles in web design in his small, rural, Central California community. He lives with his lovingly dysfunctional family and loyal canine companion and spends most of his time in the closet concocting some hair-brained scheme or another. He’s got an unhealthy obsession with Lego video games, Klingons, and Star Trek Online that borders on the neurotic.
Despite all this, he still finds the time to write the words. Find out what he's doing here.
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