Ask Dayton 16 – Core-Bound And Down
Question: Dear Dayton: Okay I’m watching Doctor Who and they mention transporters, I read a Trek book and I read about someone using a sonic screwdriver he stole off someone in a bar. That only got me to thinking: If I had all of space and time and a happening pad, which I should assume also has A LOT of internal square footage (the guy has an indoor swimming pool), who would I travel the farscape of the universe and trip the rift with?
Where and when would I go? And what would I wear? My Biggest concern is underwear. I mean, just what do you wear when facing Metallic Despots one moment, then being seduced by sexy lizard women, all before 9 a.m.? I mean really there are some things which man thongs just cannot handle (You feel me?).
Then I started thinking in between puffs, “W2D2” (What Would Dayton Do?). So there it is: unlimited time, neigh unlimited closet space; who would be your ideal traveling companion?
First…W2D2? Really? WWDD just wasn’t good enough the way it was? You had to go and try to sex it up, like Fox did with the whole “ID4” bit, and this new “Journey 2….theMysteriousIsland” shtick? It’s too early for that kind of thing, all right?
Okay, now. So I’m chill-axin’ within the cavernous environs that make up my WARDIS (Ward’s Absolutely Redonkulous Domicile In Space), and the time comes to take off on a super-duper trans-galactic field trip. Where would I go, why would I be going, and who would I bring on the trip with me?
To me, at least, there can be but a single answer. Despite having a “happening pad” with virtually unlimited interior square footage and therefore an apparent ability to store anything and everything the imagination can conjure, there still exists in this universe a small assortment of treasures which confounds all efforts at being captured. Chief among these most desired of prizes is an elixir believed to have been created by gods for consumption by gods alone, but which for brief periods is made available in small quantities to those mere mortals who possess the strength of character to harness it.
I refer, of course, to Yoo-hoo.
Legends tell that the source of this wondrous potion lies at the heart of the known universe, an area traversable only at the irregular, infrequent whims of the gods themselves, and accessible only to the mightiest of conveyances. The WARDIS, being such a means of transport, will therefore be my chariot when opportunity presents itself, and on that day I shall ride to the promised land to secure this liquid treasure and return to the realm of mortal man before the gods see fit to close the passage. To accomplish this goal in such limited time will require experienced adventurers who know no fear. Who shall make this voyage with me? It can only be the two finest truck drivers ever to draw breath: Cletus Snow and Bo Darville. Yes, people; I’m talking about the Snowman and the Bandit.
Think about it. Who else could answer such a challenge as handed down by the very gods themselves to navigate the chaotic maelstrom that is the center of our universe in order to claim such an unrivaled prize? That’s right; no one. No other living beings possess the courage and skills to complete such an arduous journey. None alive can assist me in realizing a goal of such lasting value.
So, there you go. Me, the Snowman and the Bandit. Core-bound and down, loaded up and trucking. We’re going to do what the gods themselves say cannot be done. We have an immense distance to travel, with but a brief interval to get there. Yoo-hoo awaits, by golly!
(Oh, and I’ll probably bring Christina Hendricks along for the ride, too, because holy DAMN is that lady hot.)
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He is the co-owner of Busy Little Beaver Productions and is the producer and co-host for G & T Show and Gates of Sto’vo’kor. He’s directed voice actors, and produced and edited audio podcasts and dramas because he doesn’t have the face for video. He plays well with others and is always on the look out for the next project, the next thing, the next next. If he wasn’t working on something with a half dozen other projects waiting in the wings, somebody please check to make sure he’s still breathing.
During the day, he’s a mild-mannered computer repair man who dabbles in web design in his small, rural, Central California community. He lives with his lovingly dysfunctional family and loyal canine companion and spends most of his time in the closet concocting some hair-brained scheme or another. He’s got an unhealthy obsession with Lego video games, Klingons, and Star Trek Online that borders on the neurotic.
Despite all this, he still finds the time to write the words. Find out what he's doing here.