Ask Dayton 31 – Greatest. F***ing. Convention. Story. F***ing. Ever. F***.

Ask Dayton 31 – Greatest. F***ing. Convention. Story. F***ing. Ever. F***.

Dear Dayton: You attend conventions in your capacity as both a participant and also as a fan. Can you tell us some of your best experiences as both, and worst? Also, what is your favorite convention to attend, if you have one, and what is the one you have yet to attend you’d like to?

Semper G&T

Ah, conventions. They’re both a blessing and a curse; am I right? Much like sporting events, concerts, Occupy “Whatever” rallies, or Black Friday sales at Toys R Us, conventions bring together legions of enthusiastic folk all bent on sharing a common interest if not troubling fetish. In the case of conventions aimed at genre fans, we’re talking about an experience that is unique among other large gatherings. After all, you likely won’t find a lot of girls walking around at a Mets game dressed like Princess Leia in that outfit Jabba the Hutt gave her in Return of the Jedi.

You may, however, see lots of overweight guys willing to walk around shirtless and with crazy shit painted on their bellies. Some things are universal.

I’ve been to my share of cons, and each of them has been special in their own way. I’ve been to a con where a stranger dressed as a Klingon offered me a shot of some still-unknown liquor from sample test tubes he was carrying in his pocket. I’ve walked past a hotel room to find the door standing wide open while two fans are going at it like monkeys on X and shot-gunning Red Bull. I’ve signed body parts. I’ve been hit on, and I’ve even almost died a couple of times.

Cons fucking rock.

While I don’t know if any of the following counts as a “best experience,” I can say without reservation that each of them sticks in my mind for a particular reason. Let’s see if you can figure out what I mean:

  • A local con here in Kansas City, 1999 or 2000: I’m in the men’s room, standing at one of the urinals doing my business. The light above the row of urinals is out, so that part of the room is cloaked in shadow. Behind me, the door opens and I hear someone enter the room. It’s the men’s room, so etiquette requires that YOU DO NOT LOOK AROUND TO SEE WHAT’S GOING ON, even when the new arrival saddles up to the urinal next to yours. So, I was rather surprised to hear Gul Dukatin that Gul Dukat voice—say “Jesus. Can it get any more fucking dark in here?”

That’s right; I took a piss alongside Marc Alaimo. I was so weirded out at that moment, I froze mid-stream.

  • Another con, several years later, which I won’t name for reasons of discretion. Kevin and I arrived at the hotel and were in the process of checking in, when we were joined at the registration desk by one of the con’s “bigger name” female guests. Said guest already looked to be three sheets to the wind, but things really got interesting when she invited me to run naked with her through the hotel.

I’ll admit…I thought about it for a minute.

  • And the story that tops these? Comic-Con, San Diego, 2009: It’s Saturday night, and I’ve just returned to the hotel room to change for dinner. In the room next door, I can hear two ladies engaged in what I’d call a “spirited conversation.”

They weren’t arguing; rather, they both were lamenting something or someone which had pissed them off. The walls were thin enough that I could pick up the tone of the discussion and the odd phrase when one of them got close to the door connecting our rooms. The odd thing was that one of the voices seemed familiar.  Then, this person started going off on a convention promoter, and I heard the words “Star Trek fans” and some other stuff, so my ears perked up. She started ripping said con promoter what can only be described as a dark, deep, wide, brand-spankin’ new asshole, complete with F-bombs galore. That’s right, the Mighty Epithet was being utilized in ways even I, an accomplished vulgarian in my own right, found utterly inspiring.

When I realized who I was hearing, it was all I could do not to bust out laughing. No names, but her initials are The Original Lieutenant Fucking Uhura herself. Hailing frequencies were fucking open, you fucking mother fuckers. And fuck you, too. Later, when I was gone and Kevin came back to the room, he was able to corroborate my outlandish tale. Greatest. Fucking. Convention. Story. Fucking. Ever. Fuck.

As for worst con memories? I honestly can’t think of anything truly bad. There was the crazy snow blizzard in Denver one year, or having to endure a band of off-key filk singers in the hotel bar another year, but in truth? I always have fun at conventions.

Which cons are my favorites? My absolute favorites are Starfest in Denver every April and Shore Leave in Baltimore every July. Shore Leave gives me the opportunity to connect with several friends and colleagues who all live on the east coast, and the con is a fan-run event which does a great job of making you feel like you got your money’s worth. Starfest is like that, too, and Kevin and I tend to play a much larger role in that con’s activities. They treat us like part of their extended family, and we haven’t missed going to Denver once in the past ten years. It’s always the first convention of the year for which I lock in the dates before considering other cons or appearances. As for a con I haven’t yet attended, but would love to hit? I think it has to be FedCon in Germany. I’ve heard lots of great things about that show, and I also know from experience that German Star Trek fans are awesome. FedCon is definitely on my Bucket List.

Oh, and I suppose Vegas would be fun, too. Know anybody who’s going?

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Michael Medeiros

Mike Medeiros is a great storyteller in his own mind. He’s been known to put words to page and sometimes, he even turns them into audio stories for himself, his friends and the occasional stranger that stumbles upon his stuff by accident. He has written, writes, and will write for Gates of Sto’vo’kor, Blood of the Neirrh, Star Trek: Starfinder, The Klingons of Long Island, Reality’s Edge, and Zygerus. Some of his stories and other writings have materialized on websites and forums for the G & T Show, Priority One, ScienceFiction.com, Star Trek Online, and even Star Trek.com. He’s written a few playable missions for Star Trek Online and has even had a couple of them spotlighted. He keeps saying he’s working on a novel, but is he really? A comic book is more likely. If only he could make money flinging ink at the screen, he’d be a happy camper.

But, wait. There’s more.

He is the co-owner of Busy Little Beaver Productions and is the producer and co-host for G & T Show and Gates of Sto’vo’kor. He’s directed voice actors, and produced and edited audio podcasts and dramas because he doesn’t have the face for video. He plays well with others and is always on the look out for the next project, the next thing, the next next. If he wasn’t working on something with a half dozen other projects waiting in the wings, somebody please check to make sure he’s still breathing.

During the day, he’s a mild-mannered computer repair man who dabbles in web design in his small, rural, Central California community. He lives with his lovingly dysfunctional family and loyal canine companion and spends most of his time in the closet concocting some hair-brained scheme or another. He’s got an unhealthy obsession with Lego video games, Klingons, and Star Trek Online that borders on the neurotic.

Despite all this, he still finds the time to write the words. Find out what he's doing here.
Follow Me

Michael Medeiros

Mike Medeiros is a great storyteller in his own mind. He’s been known to put words to page and sometimes, he even turns them into audio stories for himself, his friends and the occasional stranger that stumbles upon his stuff by accident. He has written, writes, and will write for Gates of Sto’vo’kor, Blood of the Neirrh, Star Trek: Starfinder, The Klingons of Long Island, Reality’s Edge, and Zygerus. Some of his stories and other writings have materialized on websites and forums for the G & T Show, Priority One, ScienceFiction.com, Star Trek Online, and even Star Trek.com. He’s written a few playable missions for Star Trek Online and has even had a couple of them spotlighted. He keeps saying he’s working on a novel, but is he really? A comic book is more likely. If only he could make money flinging ink at the screen, he’d be a happy camper. But, wait. There’s more. He is the co-owner of Busy Little Beaver Productions and is the producer and co-host for G & T Show and Gates of Sto’vo’kor. He’s directed voice actors, and produced and edited audio podcasts and dramas because he doesn’t have the face for video. He plays well with others and is always on the look out for the next project, the next thing, the next next. If he wasn’t working on something with a half dozen other projects waiting in the wings, somebody please check to make sure he’s still breathing. During the day, he’s a mild-mannered computer repair man who dabbles in web design in his small, rural, Central California community. He lives with his lovingly dysfunctional family and loyal canine companion and spends most of his time in the closet concocting some hair-brained scheme or another. He’s got an unhealthy obsession with Lego video games, Klingons, and Star Trek Online that borders on the neurotic. Despite all this, he still finds the time to write the words. Find out what he's doing here.

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