Ask Dayton 69 – Let’s talk about Sax
This is the 69th edition of Dear Dayton…and we all know what that means.
Let’s talk about sax, baby, let’s talk about you and me…
Wait, what?! Yes, we’re talking about jazz in Star Trek
From Riker and his trombone to the sultry Minuet, and from Harry and his *ahem* clarinet to Vic Fontaine who never, ever leaves the DS9 holosuites.
What is your favourite bit of Star Trek Jazz (or any music) goodness…and do we get to watch?
People in the Star Trek universe have shitty taste in music.
That’s right, I said it.
Mozart. Klingon opera. Andorian blues. Wait! You haven’t completely bored me just yet, but I understand that bringing Lawrence Welk to the 24th century was prohibited by the Temporal Prime Directive. So, you know…lucky me.
Trombones. Clarinets. Violins. Flutes. Harps. What the fuckity fuck? I can’t hear any of that crap over the sound my incessant yawning and prayers for giant rocks to drop out of the sky and put me out of my misery. Once in a while we see a piano, and even then the person playing it is throwing out some lame-assed ivory tickling, rather than giving us some Grade-A Bone Smashing.
Where are the drums? Where are the guitars? Why does no one in Star Trek shred the fucking gnar?
WHERE THE HELL IS THE METAL?
Now, let me say that Vic Fontaine is immune from this rant, because…well, because VIC FONTAINE. He’s like DENNY CRANE for holograms, all right? Leave Vic out of this, but everybody else? They can all suck it.
Truthfully, I like my share of classical music, as well as a bit of jazz and blues on occasion, but I’m really tired of everybody in Star Trek always going for the “highbrow stuff.” Even the hippies from “The Way to Eden,” while totally needing to be jettisoned out the nearest airlock, at least brought a little something different to the Enterprise gang. Hell, even Spock wanted to sit in with those hip cats and jam. How sad is it that the closest we ever get to music with any balls is when somebody travels back in time and rides a bus with a punk rocker, or walks around Venice Beach taking in the local freak show? Are we supposed to believe that no music like this survives to the grand, enlightened Star Trek future?
I call bullshit on that.
Not all the time, but just once in a while, I want to see some head-bangin’, teeth-rattlin’, face-meltin’ rock and roll that blows hull plates off passing ships and de-orbits small moons as a consequence of its sheer awesomeness. You’d think the Klingons would be all over something like this, right? When they sing songs of the Great Tribble Hunt, you want that shit to set hair on fire.
Elsewhere, I figure the Romulans and Vulcans more for Beatles fans, but I can put up with that in small doses. I also have this sneaky suspicion that McCoy would dig the musical stylings of Jerry Reed or Stevie Ray Vaughn or Kenny Wayne Shepherd and maybe…when nobody’s looking…Pink. I can totally picture Beverly Crusher and Deanna Troi picking up Tasha Yar for a girl’s night out as they catch a Bon Jovi concert, and you just know Harry Kim and Malcolm Reed had a secret stash of Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga tunes. And why couldn’t somebody have gone to check out one of those planets visited a hundred years ago by another ship, that looks just like Earth and the civilization was influenced by somebody accidentally leaving behind a KISS album?
Wait. Worf, in Gene Simmons make-up. SOMEBODY MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
As for the rest of them? Come on, boldly goers: Rock Out With Your Spock Out.
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He is the co-owner of Busy Little Beaver Productions and is the producer and co-host for G & T Show and Gates of Sto’vo’kor. He’s directed voice actors, and produced and edited audio podcasts and dramas because he doesn’t have the face for video. He plays well with others and is always on the look out for the next project, the next thing, the next next. If he wasn’t working on something with a half dozen other projects waiting in the wings, somebody please check to make sure he’s still breathing.
During the day, he’s a mild-mannered computer repair man who dabbles in web design in his small, rural, Central California community. He lives with his lovingly dysfunctional family and loyal canine companion and spends most of his time in the closet concocting some hair-brained scheme or another. He’s got an unhealthy obsession with Lego video games, Klingons, and Star Trek Online that borders on the neurotic.
Despite all this, he still finds the time to write the words. Find out what he's doing here.
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