Ask Dayton #87 – The Abominable Klingon-Yeti Discombobulation
However when I think of Klingons the term Yeti does not come my mind. I recently got my girlfriend to play Star Trek Online with me. While she is not a fan of the Star Trek shows, nor the game, she does claim that Worf is her favorite character in TNG.
In Star Trek Online recently they had Michael Dorn do a voiceover as Worf in the featured episode called “Sphere of Influence.” The first thing she said is, “I remember this Yeti (as she follows him around the mission map while talking to me on Skype). He is my favorite character from that Star Trek show with the bald guy my sister made me watch with her years ago.”
My question to you is how do you explain to people such as her the difference in appearance of Klingons and Yetis?
Live Long and Prosper,
It’s questions like these that make me wonder if we’re not straying too far into “Hey! Let’s see what we can make him do for a Scooby Snack!” territory.
Okay, so it sounds like we’ve got ourselves something of a “silhouette recognition” dilemma here. So, here’s my suggestion: Get yourself one or more pictures of Worf, and one or more pictures of a Yeti (No, I don’t know where the fuck to get a picture of a goddamned Yeti. Google that shit.). Also, get yourself a picture of Sasquatch. I recommend one of his publicity headshots from “The Secret of Bigfoot” episode of The Six Million Dollar Man.
Once you’ve assembled your little collage, perform the following exercise:
- Point to a picture of Worf.
- Say, “This is a Klingon.”
- Point to a picture of a Yeti.
- Say, “This is a Yeti.”
- Point to a picture of Saquatch.
- Say, “This is Bigfoot.” Now, show the picture to those guys from Finding Bigfoot, because they suck at this, too.
- Repeat Steps 1-6 as many times as needed. I’ll wait.
- Not really.
If, for some reason, this bit of hip-pocket instruction fails to equip your girlfriend with the skills needed to distinguish these dudes in the wild, then my fallback plan is a simple test:
- Set up a marksmanship target, at a close to moderate distance. Don’t make it too easy, but we don’t want to be here all day, right? And be sure to observer proper range safety rules at all times, yo.
- Give Worf and the Yeti each their own phaser. Set them to stun. Range deaths generate a lot of paperwork, and I don’t want to miss the game.
- Ready on the right? Ready on the left? All ready on the firing line.
- Have them commence firing on the target. I’d duck, but that’s just me.
- The first one to hit the target is the Yeti. As any Star Trek fan knows, Worf couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat.
Also, that whole bit about Worf being your girlfriend’s favorite character? Yeah. I hate to be the one to say this, but I think she may be bullshitting you, bro. Sounds to me like she’s just offering words of fake encouragement while she sits on the couch, texting all her friends while you play computer games and telling them she should’ve hooked up with that guy she met at the gym. Yeah, the one who can bench press Worf.
So, you know, Qapla’, and all that.
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He is the co-owner of Busy Little Beaver Productions and is the producer and co-host for G & T Show and Gates of Sto’vo’kor. He’s directed voice actors, and produced and edited audio podcasts and dramas because he doesn’t have the face for video. He plays well with others and is always on the look out for the next project, the next thing, the next next. If he wasn’t working on something with a half dozen other projects waiting in the wings, somebody please check to make sure he’s still breathing.
During the day, he’s a mild-mannered computer repair man who dabbles in web design in his small, rural, Central California community. He lives with his lovingly dysfunctional family and loyal canine companion and spends most of his time in the closet concocting some hair-brained scheme or another. He’s got an unhealthy obsession with Lego video games, Klingons, and Star Trek Online that borders on the neurotic.
Despite all this, he still finds the time to write the words. Find out what he's doing here.
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