Ask Dayton 96 – Where the Hell Have You Been?
Listening to the last live episode, I heard that there have been some communication screw ups (Nick fucked up. Again!), and that’s why the segment listed “Listener’s Choice Award Winner” three years running has not been on. So, what’s new for you to share with us?
Also, what do you think is the sexiest commercial on TV now, and don’t you think it’s time to euthanize Gary Busey?
I should’ve stayed on vacation.
And what the hell is this about awards? Nobody told me. No limo rides, no gift baskets, no booze or hookers waiting in my penthouse. What the fuck kind of show are you people running here?
I’m calling bullshit on that.
So how long’s it been since we did one of these, anyway? According to my records, it’s been well over a month since Ask Dayton #95. What have I been up to since then? To be honest, I’ve been enjoying the time off. You have to understand that answering each one of these things flushes just that much more of my soul down the shitter. I mean, how many different ways can we find to talk about bacon and porn? If I know this audience, at least one more time, right?
Yes, there have been questions about writing, as well as the occasional interrogatives seeking advice on everything from relationships to queries as to my favorite films or TV shows, including various questions relating to (surprise!) Star Trek. Then there’s the really crazy shit, like asking where I’d want to have sex on a starship.
Yeah. That happened.
So here I sit, every question I receive slowly—inexorably—chipping away at what laughingly passes for my perceived self-worth as a citizen of humanity. It’s entirely possible that by the time we actually reach the milestone of one hundred questions answered, nothing will remain of my mortal form save a desiccated husk ready to collapse in on itself and be cast upon the winds.
But hey, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.
What’s new with me? Well, my liver has sufficiently recuperated from my previous novel and is now standing by as I prepare to write my next novel. It was rough going there for a while, as the contract negotiations were pretty tense, but we finally reached an agreement whereby I promise not to drown it in cheap booze as I wrestle with the words, and it pledges not to explode through my fucking asshole without giving me proper prior notice.
I guess we’ll see how that goes. Stay tuned, boys and girls.
As for “sexiest commercials,” I’m just gonna cast a wide net and say, “Anything with Sofia Vergara,” because HOLY. SHIT. Forget all these rail thin models and wannabe super models who are young enough to be my daughter. Yes, there are a number of them who are incredibly attractive, but when we get down to it? Sofia. Vergara. Enough. Fucking. Said.
And why the hatin’ on Gary Busey? We don’t need to be euthanizing Mr. Joshua, folks. That just ain’t right, especially since he’s still capable of providing much needed service to our fair country. If I were in charge? I’d send him to North Korea to be Kim Jong-un’s spiritual advisor.
I think we all can agree that Dennis Rodman, despite his colorful personality and apparently keen and vastly underrated diplomatic skills, is likely just not up to such a demanding task. So, send Rodman back to his mother ship and get Jong-un and Busey together, and start the clock on how long it takes Kimmie to feed his new BFF through a wood chipper.
For those wondering, Sofia Vergara gives the whole thing ten minutes.
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But, wait. There’s more.
He is the co-owner of Busy Little Beaver Productions and is the producer and co-host for G & T Show and Gates of Sto’vo’kor. He’s directed voice actors, and produced and edited audio podcasts and dramas because he doesn’t have the face for video. He plays well with others and is always on the look out for the next project, the next thing, the next next. If he wasn’t working on something with a half dozen other projects waiting in the wings, somebody please check to make sure he’s still breathing.
During the day, he’s a mild-mannered computer repair man who dabbles in web design in his small, rural, Central California community. He lives with his lovingly dysfunctional family and loyal canine companion and spends most of his time in the closet concocting some hair-brained scheme or another. He’s got an unhealthy obsession with Lego video games, Klingons, and Star Trek Online that borders on the neurotic.
Despite all this, he still finds the time to write the words. Find out what he's doing here.
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