Ask Dayton 108 – Giving Thanks for Sweat Pants
So what is Thanksgiving like at La Casa de Ward? Are you even allowed within twenty feet of the kitchen? Do you watch the parade? What’s the most awkward Thanksgiving memory you have?
As Nick reads this, it’s the Sunday after Thanksgiving, by which time most people who partook of the holiday festivities have begun their fourth day wearing the same sweat pants they donned prior to Thursday’s feast. This is because those grungy things and the equally stained and threadbare shirt worn with them are either the only damned things that still fit, or else the wearer has eschewed such things as basic hygiene for the duration of the extended holiday weekend.
We pause here for anyone who still has at least one post-gluttony belch they’ve been banking for a special occasion.
Everybody good? All righty, then. Moving on.
The biggest difference between this Thanksgiving and the past several years was that it was the first to be observed at Ward Manor 2.0. We naturally took advantage of our larger kitchen and dining areas, and invited my wife’s mother along with a couple of our dear friends to participate in our annual stuffing of the faces. Though my wife and kids had one of the parades on the TV while they were going about the meal preparations, I managed to push some words toward the current writing project before our guests arrived, taking advantage of the lull to put on a favored pair of those aforementioned sweat pants. Once suitably attired and upon the arrival of our guests, the final preparations for the annual devouring of the sacrificial poultry commenced.
While I’m by no means a slouch when it comes to cooking, my wife took point so far a preparing this particular meal. Once our guests arrived and everything was ready to go, she was the first to sample the turkey and declare it tasty and fit for human consumption. This is to say that she grabbed one of the guest of honor’s plump, succulent legs and proceeded to de-meat it like a lion gorging on a fresh kill.
In addition to the meal, there also was traditional entertainment, which means being remote spectators to a scheduled tournament of gladiatorial combat. A pride of vicious lions from Detroit was pitted against a sleuth of bears imported from the faraway, exotic land of Chicago. It was a spirited fight and did well to placate the bloodlust of the masses, at least until dinner had settled and it was time to dive into the dessert course. That’s right, we capped off our meal with pie. Pumpkin, for those keeping score at home, along with a chocolate cream job and some other thing I didn’t even bother sampling because I stopped caring about the available options once I heard, “Chocolate,” okay? We opted to forgo the second round of games and instead selected a movie from my vast library, all while struggling to avoid succumbing to our individual food comas. Once the day was over and everyone had gone home and the evidence of our carnage was cleaned up, my sweat pants and I opted to end the day by celebrating another milestone by spinning up “The Cage,” as the date also marked the fiftieth anniversary of the original Star Trek pilot’s first day of filming in 1964.
Because I’m Trek geek, that’s why. Hello? Have we met?
And yeah…I had a turkey sandwich while watching Captain Pike go all rogue on the Talosians. I probably had another piece of pie, too. Don’t judge me. Shut up. You’re not my mom.
As for awkward moments at Thanksgiving, I can’t really think of anything like that ever occurring. I mean, I certainly have never done anything as moronic as the guy who sent a picture of his dick to his girlfriend’s sister. Yeah, that happened. What sucks is that nobody can ever do that sort of thing again without being accused of copying this asshole. He fucked it up for everybody.
That’s okay, though. I’ve got something better planned for Christmas, and no…sweat pants will not be involved.
But, wait. There’s more.
He is the co-owner of Busy Little Beaver Productions and is the producer and co-host for G & T Show and Gates of Sto’vo’kor. He’s directed voice actors, and produced and edited audio podcasts and dramas because he doesn’t have the face for video. He plays well with others and is always on the look out for the next project, the next thing, the next next. If he wasn’t working on something with a half dozen other projects waiting in the wings, somebody please check to make sure he’s still breathing.
During the day, he’s a mild-mannered computer repair man who dabbles in web design in his small, rural, Central California community. He lives with his lovingly dysfunctional family and loyal canine companion and spends most of his time in the closet concocting some hair-brained scheme or another. He’s got an unhealthy obsession with Lego video games, Klingons, and Star Trek Online that borders on the neurotic.
Despite all this, he still finds the time to write the words. Find out what he's doing here.
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